So we will not know, until we watch tonight, what exactly the theme will be for this season of American Horror Story. Perhaps it will be about “mist” (which was already done very well both in prose and on celluloid). Maybe it will be about the lost colony of Roanoke (CROATOAN!). Then again it could be about sorority sisters stabbing each other in the back with chainsaws. Oh...wait, I feel like that has been done already.

Here’s what I’d love for it to be about: legacy. The legacy of the preceding five seasons as distilled through the surviving children from those seasons. Who might those young whippersnappers be? Let me school you on them.

  1. Murder House - Michael Langdon (nee baby boy Harmon) aka The AntiChrist
  2. Asylum - Thomas & Julie Walker. Kit and Alma and Grace’s kids aka Voted Most Likely to be alien-human hybrids
  3. Coven - Any number of new students at Miss Robicheauxs School for Wayward Witchy Poos
  4. Freakshow - Desiree ends the season with a kid and Jimmy and Bette and Dot are expecting.
  5. Hotel - Holden Lowe and the gaggle of vamp tots. Then again there is always Scarlett whom I hoped would be a witch.

Now imagine a war of light and dark for the very soul of humanity whilst the fabric of reality is torn apart with those children of monsters (both human and not) as pawns on the giant chess board of life.

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Since we’ll probably never have that season, then I’ll expect what I always get from a season of American Horror Story. Ryan Murphy leaning close to my ear to ask me what I want from him. I glance at him from the side of my eye and say, “Something good, something magical”. He whispers, “Do I look like Mother Teresa?” while he fucks me gently with a chainsaw.

This is your live viewing discussion thread and post-mortem playground. Have at it!

People Are Squealing Over The New Season of AHS: Oink, Oink Goes The Pig Edition

Our resident AHS critic Deathmaster780 watched Mr. Robot’s season finale and something called Cruiserweight Classic instead of the live AHS season premiere but he still has feelings about it.