Dear Ms. Anders,
I HOPE YOU ARE PROUD OF YOURSELF!
I spent the better half of yesterday in a state of emotional collapse because of your article, 20 Science Fiction Moments That Will Make Absolutely Anyone Cry.
I try to think of myself as a relatively stable human being. I keep my feelings to myself and because of this, I am blissfully unmoved by what the world throws at me. I enjoy my stoic lifestyle and to date, I have not heard any complaints from my peers about my lack of hysterics.
Initially, I was skeptical that anything posted online would ever stir the blackened lump of coal I call a heart, but thanks to you and your “research”, I have discovered that I too can feel “the feels”, as the kids say on the internet.
I wiped away a torrent of tears and silently mouthed the word, “Superman,” as I trudged through the emotional landslide of the Iron Giant’s self-sacrifice. I desperately reached for the last tissue in an already empty Kleenex box while poor Artax sank into that quiet quagmire of despair, and as if that wasn’t enough already, I wept salty drops of sorrow into a half-eaten container of Haagen-Dazs as Anya’s journey of self-discovery came to a screeching halt with the realization that someone will never be coming back from that great sleep we call death.
These events might have been my breaking point, but noooooooooooooo, you had to go and add a montage of Vincent and the Doctor didn’t you? I would have been fine. I would have moved on, but this… I… can’t even type this statement without tearing-up a little. I’m a terrible typist as is. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to convey my thoughts on a keyboard wet with my spent tears? Well, do you?
In the future, when you want to make me and the io9 population feel human after all, could you please give us some sort of emotional crutch? In lieu of grief counseling and therapy, I suggest posting LOLcats and .gifs of puppies, trying to catch squeaky toys, along with your articles to soften the blow. I hear these are terribly effectual at quelling the rising tides of tears.
In conclusion, please consider the power you wield the next time you produce these types of writings and embedded video examples. It is impossible for anyone to fully grasp the overwhelming results of such strength, but as a wise old man once said, “With great power, comes great responsibility.” (I know Uncle Ben never said that in Amazing Fantasy #15, but go with me on this.)
Your devoted reader,