So this is the funniest thing I've read all evening. Have you ever wondered how an alien would view human sexuality? Thanks to The Toast, now we know. Highlights include...
"Their mouths, which mere minutes before had been employed in the process of demolishing and ingesting various foodstuffs, were now jammed up damply against one another while still being used for breathing, which must have been more than a little uncomfortable."
"They took off their clothes, leaving their soft and hairless skin exposed to dust, wind, cold, and various other deadly elements."
You can read the rest at this link.
So, I'm going to regret this mightily, but who wants to try their hand at erotica as written by a disgusted alien? I find the concept hilarious. It's even funnier since I read them in Kif from Futurama's voice.