Trigger Warning: Evil Demon Babies That Will Haunt Your Dreams.

I am about 14 weeks pregnant with twins, and like many couples, my husband and I are very curious about the sex of our future offspring. However, ultrasounds are usually only given and covered by insurance during pregnancy when there's a medical reason to do so. Being curious about whether your offspring has male or female parts is not considered a valid medical reason. Boo. So, after hearing rumors from several other pregnant women in my doctor's office, I set off to the magical Google, to see if out-of-network clinics offered elective ultrasounds at a reasonable price in order to determine if my children have penises or vaginas.

Success! There many such places! I messed around on the website checking out prices for the various package deals. You could do different things at different stages of the pregnancy - gender reveals, sneak peeks early on, or facial scans later, using 3D ultrasounds so you could get a sneak peek at the face of your precious child. Sounds like a cute idea at first! But then... I search the gallery they advertise.... and no. Dear God, NO.

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Now, a regular, 2D ultrasound looks like this. Not bad! Typical. You can see the rough outline of the child, the head, the belly, etc. Nothing that would constitute nightmare fuel.

Now, here, my friends, are the nightmare children of the 3D ultrasounds.

3D ultrasounds, according to my very credible source of Wikipedia which is never wrong, are the results of using an ultrasound technique that angles the sound waves, rather than sending them straight down, and relies on a computer to produce a three-dimensional image. Sometimes these computers produce lovely results that look absolutely precious. Sometimes they result in terrifying partial images that will haunt my brain, making me wonder whether I am growing a human or Rosemary's demon baby.

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I think, maybe, I am going to wait to see my children's faces until I'm allowed to see them the traditional way - covered in blood and mucus, misshapen from their traumatic travels through my vagina, and bewildered and scared by the brave new world they find themselves in. Until then, they can keep their smiling faces hidden from me.

Still kinda want to know what's between their legs, though.