Do you ever have the desire to comment on something you know nothing about just because it’s a popular topic of conversation? You haven’t read the book or seen the film but by god you have opinions the world needs to hear! If so, you could write for the prestigious UK newspaper, The Guardian! Today they published on their website a truly horrifying, wrongheaded, cruel, and elitist rant about how MEDIOCRE the recent departed Terry Pratchett was.

Jonathan Jones, an art columnist, has many opinions about Sir Terry even though he admits he has never deigned to read him and swears he never will. He’s shocked at how willing the poor, ignorant masses are to lionize such insipid FANTASY writing. As you read his screed you can just imagine him shaking his head sadly at the dumb plebs who read such trash. They don’t know better, he says to himself as he sips a fine Darjeeling (you wouldn’t know the brand, it’s only sold at Fortnum & Mason) out of an expensive but understated Royal Doulton porcelain cup hand painted with delicate periwinkles. They could raise themselves up and read Gabriel García Márquez or Günter Grass but they insist on this fantasy nonsense! Why do they refuse to see the genius of Jane Austen and Charles Bukowski?

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Those poor lost souls! Daring to sob at the recent death of Sir Terry. Don’t they know there are better books out there? How dare they waste tears and ink on some... pulpy mass market prose! How dare he have such a large and devoted following!

“Actual literature may be harder to get to grips with than a Discworld novel,” Jones writes, “but it is more worth the effort. By dissolving the difference between serious and light reading, our culture is justifying mental laziness and robbing readers of the true delights of ambitious fiction.”

Let me tell you, I am so glad Mr. Jones has shown me the light. Why should fiction be fun? It should be work! It should be lofty, untouchable! How could I waste so much time reading Pratchett? I am going out right now to buy everything by Franzen to compensate!

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Jones is an elitist and a bully, cruelly punching down on a genre he clearly has no clue about and railing against a recently dead author. He’s trying so hard he’s actually gone full circle into laziness. It’s a lazy article by an idiot and the Guardian should be ashamed for publishing it.

“Get real. Terry Pratchett is not a literary genius”