Warning: This post includes mild spoilers for South Park: The Stick of Truth and may be considered offensive to Canadians. In fact, I fear for my life posting this, knowing when *A Certain Someone* sees this, it will be very likely I shall be found very dead (possibly by hockey stick to the head) and my pets stolen.

During my epic quest to become friends with the asshole South Park kids who keep calling me Douchebag, I had to make a great and perilous journey to our neighbors to the north, the Kingdom of Canada, to get a document written in their strange language translated.

As soon as I had crossed the border, it was as though I had entered a new world entirely. It looked almost cheap and tacky, but I imagine some old people may get a kick over seeing it. Anyway, I decided to head to the capital of Canada, Ottawa, and ask the Prince of Canada for his assistance.

Hm... there are far fewer Hockey rinks and syrup factories than I imagined. None, in fact. It's a shame, I was hoping to catch a good game of the Canadian pastime and enjoy some delicious pancakes. Oh well, onwards to the royal mansion.

The mansion was beautiful. Portraits of past rulers lined the walls and wonderful statues and clay pots were scattered about. Which I then proceeded to destroy violently to obtain rare Canadian crystals to sell for some of the country's currency.

I then met with the Prince of Canada and his wife. I briefly remember having watched their wedding on TV some months ago. The Princess must have had her arm re-attached afterwards. Sadly, he could not assist me, as it seemed my document was written in some ancient form of Canadian. He directed me to seek out the Earl of Winnipeg for assistance.

I proceeded through the Canadian wilderness, defending myself from the local Dire Wolves, Dire Bears, and Dire Snakes that wanted to make me lunch. I expected to run in to a Dire Moose, but alas, they were not to be found.

Reaching Winnipeg, I noticed the town seemed to have a dire problem.

The Earl was reluctant to help an American like me, but agreed to assist me should I go and kill the Dire Bears that plagued his fair city.

All right, that's enough of that. I don't want to ruin the entire sequence for those still playing and honestly my attempts at humor are horrible and boarding on the xenophobic. This was just a really cool quest that gave me a wonderful feeling of nostalgia. So here's some random pictures.

Seriously though, this game is just awesome. I honestly think it's one of the best licensed video games of all time and is absolutely perfect. For South Park fans. Not for normal, healthy people.