‘Cause it’s the rapture, baby! Today all pious people get to meet Sky Daddy and their promised planet per wife or something while us cool people get to have a pool party in hell. Just don’t go to the other special room with child molesters and people who talk in the theater, we don’t like those.

Now remember, if you are stuck in a bunker, don’t stop pulling the special crank and I’ll see you in a few years so we can autotune you a song that goes something something “They live damnit, It’s a miracle!” And now that you have that song stuck in your head, see if you can try and Let It Go!... and now that you have THAT song in your head, welcome to hell.

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So how are you spending the apocalypse? I’m eating delicious vegetables with butter and playing videogames, because Mario Maker is not gonna unlock everything by itself if I don’t do torturous levels. I also spent my morning torturing the youths, what with making them do their homework and stuff.