Episode 3 (Chainsaw) of Scream Queens actually made me smile a bit more than the two-part series premiere. Gather round KKTs, Dickie Dollar Scholars, and school mascots and let’s chat about whether this episode delivered the chills, thrills, and spills with side-splitting laughs.

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Spoiler light recap: Grace, Zayday, and Denise Hemphill (one of two characters always referred to with their full name, especially by themselves) determine that perhaps Chanel #2 (Arianna Grande) was a victim of fowl play. So they go to visit her parents’ mansion to investigate. Chanel #2’s mother is Cordelia Chase and her father is Oh, That Guy. Cool Lame Professor Dad teaches a Intro to Film class, first up Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The Dickie Dollar Scholars take to the streets to avenge Boone’s murder, but things end up falling apart. Hester gets a Barbie Dream Makeover (TM). Dean Munsch and Gigi move into Kappa House and Gigi learns that white noise machines have over 500 settings to help you gently fall to sleep.

SPOILERS BEYOND!!!

Top 5 MVPs of the Episode

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  1. Dean Munsch
  2. Zayday
  3. Chad Radwell (this would be the second character referred to with full name, often by himself)
  4. TIE: Chanel #5 & Gigi
  5. This bullet left blank due to explicit lack of Boone (sans a red devil mask)

Top 5 Things Said This Episode

  1. “You had your chance Chanel and you ruined it when you started freaking out when I said I wanted to have sex with your corpse”
  2. “As you know in 1955 local dairy man Randy Barfman added kelp extract to his ice cream creating the world’s first soft serve ice cream.”
  3. “Find that tortured gay kid in your life and hold them close”
  4. “Aren’t we all running from the chainsaws in our past? See you next Tuesday.”
  5. “Chad Radwell!!!!!!!”

Top 5 Things I Learned From This Episode

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  1. Don’t taser the school mascot in the nads
  2. Luminol can identify both blood and horseradish
  3. Earl Grey is British and hot
  4. Chad Radwell, professional cad about campus
  5. Everyone loves ShondaLand. #HTGAWM

I have a gift for you. Last week I said I thought the soundtrack was one of the redeeming features of this show. Guess what I found? A Chainsaw. Wham Bam, you’re welcome. My current favorite is of course an awesome 80s song.

What’s The Chatter Across The Kinja?

Over on TAY, Spacegar Compares Scream Queens to Lifetime Movie Dying to Belong

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Rich Gives Us the Perfect Scene From Last Night’s Episode over on Morning After

Madeleine at The Muse Talks About Last Night’s Homage of Geek to Chic

Cheryl Throws Another Suspect on the Pyre over on True Crime.

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So my fellow Wallace University Red Devils lets speculate, spoil, toil, and cause some trouble in the comments!

As always, if you have a link to your personal manifesto about Scream Queens then drop it in the comments and I’ll add to this post.