If you change your sequel, claiming to do it for the fans and the critics it surely would help to listen to what they say. Spoilers for Alien - Covenant.

What we wanted (OK, what I wanted, but I feel I’m not alone) was a film that catches the spirit and creepiness of your Alien movie while giving us character who are less stupid and less ass deep in pseudo-philosophical rantings about religion, life and creation.

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We still get a lot of these - the character of Shaw, the scientist who “chose to believe” will be played by a captain who feels religiously persecuted and claims he didn’t get promoted to captain because he’s religious. Straight out of a Pureflix movie... (There’s another crew member openly wearing a Star of David, BTW, so obviously religion is VERY frowned upon). And David rambling on about creation and Destiny. Don’t get me wrong it’s Michael Fassbender, so it’s probably still the most entertaining character of the movie, but still.

And because we all wanted more Alien so desperately, Mr. Scott duct taped an Alien sequence to the end of the movie. With - not the slightest bit of finesse or tension about it. An Alien right out in the open running though hallways and finally being thrown off the ship. (And while I didn’t like the Shaw character very much, killing main characters in between movies ha no good tradition in Alien films...)

So - if you liked Prometheus, there’s probably not enough of it left or you and if you didn’t - it still recognisable enough to be annoying - believe it or not, the characters are even MORE stupid than they were in Prometheus. Please. Captain. Step a little closer to the menacing eggs on this planet on which all animal life has been wiped out. The clearly homicidal android assured you it’s safe, after all!

And the Alien sequence, tacked on as it is, is really not going to sit well with Prometheus nor Alien fans.

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As you may have noticed, I didn’t like Prometheus very much, while Scott’s Alien is one of my all time favourite movie. I’d love to see another proper Scott Alien, if he was willing put his heart to it, whish I guess won’t happen. I’d even have liked to see Scott’s untainted Prometheus sequel more than this, because at least it would have been honest and not a lacklustre attempt to satisfy people without really carting what they want.

Any positives? Fassbender is a great actor, and while David turns slightly annoying, Fassbender’s still playing him and Walter awesomely. The music is great,a s is the production design, because man of both is Alien inspired, though this film in no way deserve that theme. And we’re finally rid of the incredibly silly pale white fleshy naked mole rat looking neomorphs for the third act in favour of a proper xenomorph... Even though - again, Ridley treats Giger’s original Alien with so little care and love that you almost regret seeing it again.

I feel like James Franco made the right descision to play Sir Not Appearing In This Film...