Jesus. Just. Jesus.

You know what I want? Not just my money back, but every second spent in that theater after the previews ended back as well.

I want to find the servers that house Rotten Tomatoes, which gave it a Certified Fresh score, carry them out into a field blade by blade, and then go fight club on them with a baseball bat like that scene in Office Space.

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I want to find the writers, and make them explain in person how in this day and age they can write characters that stupid! There's "stupid," there's "horror film stupid," and then there's THESE PEOPLE.

Finally: I want to find Bruce Campbell, and vigorously shake his hand for turning down a cameo in this piece of steaming cow flop, thus leaving my mental image of Ash untarnished.

That in a nutshell is how I feel about the Evil Dead remake, which has no business whatsoever carrying that name.

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*in case I was too subtle, I REALLY disliked this movie. That doesn't mean you won't like it either, because you may well love it. These are simply my thoughts upon leaving the theater, and my thoughts alone.