We need to talk about your hygiene. No, no, you’re fine. I’m not hinting at anything. Really, I can barely smell you at all. Anyways... What’s your bathing preference? Bath? Shower? Maybe you have someone take you down to the stream once a week and beat you on a rock? Bar or liquid soap? Washcloth or pouf? Daily, weekly, monthly? Morning, noon, or night?

I’m a shower guy. The only times I take a bath are for therapeutic reasons. Soak some aching muscles, oatmeal and baby oil for my eczema, that kind of thing. Liquid soap on a pouf. Every morning because my hair gets that gross sweaty/greasy thing going overnight. I am not looking forward to life after the apocalypse.