So I read Dark Nights: Metal #2 today and I came across the panel above. I’m sorry for spoiling those of you who haven’t read it, but I just have to explain what is happening, because reading that panel made me think that this comic was either the dumbest or most awesome thing I had ever read.

You see, Batman is holding up baby Darkseid and threatening to use him as a weapon. Why is Darkseid a baby, you might ask? Well, okay, back in Geoff Johns’ Justice League, Darkseid died during “The Darkseid Wars” (as one does) and was then reincarnated (as one does) in Superwoman’s baby. So Darkseid is a baby. A baby that Batman just pulled out of his bag and threatened to use.

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Also, he has adorable little goggles that are apparently holding back his Omega Beams. Omega goggles? In any case, you might be wondering why Batman is threatening to use baby Darkseid. Well, he wants to use Darkseid’s Omega Sanction to go back in time and...hold on...

Ah, right. Way back in Final Crisis, Darkseid shot Batman with the Omega Sanction, the “life that is death,” and sent up back in time to the Stone Age, where he would travel through time again and again until enough...time energy? I think...was built up and then when he arrived in the present, it would explode and the world would go kaboom. Thus giving Darkseid victory even after defeat.

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Needless to say, that didn’t happen, but Batman apparently attracted the attention of “Barbatos,” the Bat Demon from the Dark Multiverse, so now Batman wants to use baby Darkseid’s Omega Beams to send him back in time again in order to kill Barbatos and oh no I’ve gone cross-eyed.

I think, however, we all know where Batman got this idea from. I mean, when all you have is a baby...