Though it might seem counter-intuitive at first, science fiction and fantasy has a proud tradition in the realm of musical theater and musical films. From Little Shop of Horrors to The Wizard of Oz, from Rocky Horror Picture Show to the Disney Animated Studios canon, universes where magic and other mysterious forces are at work lend themselves well to the musical format, where audiences must already suspend their disbelief to allow for the unlikely event of everyone bursting into choreographed song and dance numbers. The best exploration of this crossover is, perhaps, the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Once More With Feeling”, which features a demon coming to town and casting an enchantment on our (usually non-singing) heroes to turn their lives into a world of Broadway-esque showtunes.
With this background, I propose we have plenty of justification for a Marvel Cinematic Universe musical movie. I dunno, make Loki cast a spell or something.
In all seriousness, here is the real reason we should have a Marvel Musical: these actors can sing.
Robert Downey, Jr. Back when Iron Man was a recurring guest role on 1990s show Ally McBeal, Robert Downey, Jr. showed off his singing pipes with this duet with Sting.
Chris Evans. Long before he was Captain America, Chris Evans had a starring role in the modern classic Not Another Teen Movie (proudly holding a 28% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes). In this masterpiece, Evans shows off his pipes with this song about the upcoming prom.
Scarlett Johansson. ScarJo has actually tried a singing career before, and has apparently formed a new pop group this year. She is... not bad, I guess? But I totally didn’t know she was a singer before researching this article. Anyway, here’s a music video she did back in 2008.
Mark Ruffalo. Flash back to 1997 where Mark Ruffalo stars in a Lifetime Original Movie, singing a love song to some completely ungrateful woman named Trish. I don’t think you’re dumb, Mark. Come sing to me.
Jeremy Renner. Jeremy Renner is the most recent Avenger to show off his singing skills, with this Tonight Show clip, where Hawkeye insists his powers are just as cool, guys.
Elizabeth Olsen. Elizabeth Olsen actually has an amazing voice, and I’d totally listen to her girls’ pop group over Scarlett Johansson’s. Check her out in this clip from Very Good Girl, which is a 2014 film I have never heard of and know nothing about.
Chris Hemsworth. Hemsworth showed off his acoustic guitar playing skills and singing in the Australian soap opera Home and Away. I would comment more on this, but I’m distracted by Chris Hemsworth having the same haircut as Damon on The Vampire Diaries.
Don Cheadle. I assume War Machine will revive his truly terrible ‘80s R&B duo act with Jimmy Fallon.
Gwyneth Paltrow. Our musical needs more women in it. Lets cast Pepper Potts. Here’s Pepper Potts in her previous life substitute teaching on Glee.
Natalie Portman. There has been a severe lack of Jane Foster in the Avengers movies. I’m beginning to doubt the real truth of your love interest here, Thor. Jane should totally show up and do some angry rap at him. Science angry rap.
Tom Hiddleston. Since Loki is the villain and cast the spell (Are we going with that? Sure, why not.) he should probably sing, too. Let’s keep the Disney corporate synergy showcased with Ultron’s “Got No Strings on Me” going. Here’s Tom Hiddleston singing “Bare Necessities”.
Paul Bettany. I can’t find any video of Paul Bettany singing. Or Anthony Mackie, for that matter, and he appears to be an Avenger now. So, make them be unaffected by the spell and they just sit around confused while everyone sings at them, or something. I don’t know, Jeez. What, do I have to do all the work around here?
Get on it Marvel. Give me the musical-Avengers crossover we all deserve. Do it for the fans. All... one of them... who demand it.