Crazy Ex-Girlfriend ended its first season on Monday. The season had 18 episodes and a whopping 46 original songs, including reprises and the theme song. If you take away the reprises (and the theme), however, you get a more manageable 40, which I will be listing in order of my preference. And notice, I said “least” not “worst,” because, honestly, there are no bad songs on this show.
Please note: the rankings are just my opinion and probably arbitrary. Some songs go up and down the list based on the last time I listened to them. Some songs also tend to get better the more you listen to them, too. I would also recommend reading Allison Shoemaker’s song rankings, since she can probably explain things way better than I can.
So here we go:
“You Stupid Bitch”
A magnificent and heartbreaking ode to self-loathing and self-hatred. Probably the song and moment I understand and empathize with the most out of the entire show.
“What’ll It Be”
But then again, there’s this one, too. Stuck in a dead end job, desperate to leave but unable to break free.
“Settle for Me”
The funniest song about giving up and settling for second place. Also, it’s a Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers song and dance number. Also, at one point, Rebecca twirls her gown and says, “So twirly!” You know you would do that, too.
“Oh My God I Think I Like You”
I have no idea how this got past the network censors and I don’t care. It’s the greatest song about having feelings while also hardcore fucking.
“After Everything I’ve Done For You (That You Didn’t Ask For)”
Dear god, Donna Lynne Champlin can sing. Here’s the song that starts big and just gets bigger until Paula’s out of breath and Rebecca is near tears.
“The Sexy Getting Ready Song”
Of the “parody music video” songs, this one is still probably the best. And also, probably the first instance of the words “ass-blood” on network television.
A bisexual man sings about being bisexual while tearing down all bisexual stereotypes and also it’s hilarious. What more could you ask for?
“I’m the Villain in My Own Story”
As soon as Rebecca gets some self-awareness, she realizes that she’s not a good person and goes deep into this Disney-esque villain song. The best part, of course, is when she asks who the song’s composer was, because it just sounds ridiculously sinister. The song was, of course, written by Rachel Bloom.
“Feeling Kinda Naughty”
This is the first song that I honestly thought was both hilarious and disturbing at the same time. “I want to kill you and wear your skin like a dress / but then also have you see my in the dress / and be like ‘OMG you look so cute in my skin!’”
I’m Jewish, though not a JAP. However, I understand this song well enough, but it went so fast, there were jokes that just flew by me. But honestly, “Sheket bevaka shut the fuck up.” That is a great joke right there.
“I’m a Good Person”
This is my ringtone, that’s how much I love it. If I ever got the courage to do karaoke, this is the song I would want to sing.
“Sex with a Stranger”
A near pitch perfect parody of Beyonce’s “Partition” video, while at the same time enumerating all the fears of having a one night stand. And it refers to balls.
I have never experienced the pain of having heavy boobs, but I can certainly sympathize. Especially since those dance moves looked painful as fuck.
“Face Your Fears”
This probably should be higher on the list, because I can’t seem to get it out of my head. It’s the children’s choir that does it, with them singing backup to Paula as she lists everything bad you can do (but probably shouldn’t).
“Where’s the Bathroom?”
This song holds an uneasy level of similarity to things my mother has said to me.
Our first introduction to the wonders of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and it still holds up after 18 episodes.
“I Gave You a UTI”
Another one that should probably be higher. I’ve never given someone a UTI, but if I did, I would probably sing this song.
“I Could If I Wanted To”
Again, this song is eerily similar to things I have said. This song perfectly illustrates the mindset of “failing with laziness is better than trying and failing.”
It’s a song about the spirit advisor trope and lampshades the entire thing, while also being a dead-on parody of Dreamgirls.
“Get out of here, Steve Jobs!” That’s all you need to know.
“Sexy French Depression”
Probably the funniest sad song ever. It’s the French subtitles that kill me.
“I Love My Daughter (But Not in a Creepy Way)”
If you’ve never seen “Butterfly Kisses,” consider yourself lucky. It is basically this song, but without the singer realizing just how creepy he sounds and also a million times worse. This song, however, is completely hilarious.
“I Give Good Parent”
The juxtaposition of Nicki Minaj-type rapping and a traditional Filipino Thanksgiving makes the entire song hilarious. And if you’ve never seen the explicit version, please do so. It includes the line, “Like my pussy, you two have wonderful taste.”
“A Boy Band Made Up of Four Joshes”
I liked this song more as I listened to it again. I was never a fan of boy bands, but this song is still funny.
“I Have Friends”
This also hits way too close to home. Fortunately, I never attempted to throw a party when I was in school, because I knew I had no friends.
“Flooded with Justice”
A great parody of “Can You Hear the People Sing?” and a funny BJ Novak joke.
I’m from California, so I got all the jokes in this one. Especially the “crippling drought” one. And yes, all our reggae bands are white.
“Cold Showers Lead to Crack”
Another parody, this one of The Music Man’s “Trouble.” The stand out joke is the “I don’t live here” cutting off the song.
“Put Yourself First”
Another pitch perfect parody, this one of Fifth Harmony’s “Worth It.” If you’ve never seen it, just imagine this song only without it acknowledging the paradox or having any self-awareness.
The perfect experience of going to Chili’s. Yes, Chili’s is supposed to be “Cali-Mex-talian.”
“Having a Few People Over”
It’s low on this list because there aren’t many lyrics. But it’s high in my heart, because goddammit, this is the song I will play whenever I have a few people over. Fromage! Crudite!
Again, low on the list because of lack of lyrics. But, uh, still kind of awesome because of its fusion between Footloose and The Karate Kid. Also, that’s all Vincent Rodriguez III.
“Where is the Rock?”
A great tiny little song.
“His Status is Preferred”
Donna Lynne Champlin is a great singer. The joke goes on a bit too long in this song, but it’s still funny.
“I’m So Good At Yoga”
A string of yoga jokes and great dancing.
“Women Gotta Stick Together”
Gabrielle Ruiz is also a great singer. The only reason this song isn’t higher on the list is that it really has no relation to the plot or the character. We already know Valencia doesn’t like other women.
“One Indescribable Instant”
All of the Disney Princess “I Want” songs rolled into one, especially Sleeping Beauty’s “I Wonder” and “Once Upon A Dream.” But since it’s all the songs, it ends up to be pretty bland. Except for the very end, when the song just keeps going and going.
“Dear Joshua Felix Chan”
A serviceable song, but not particularly memorable. It doesn’t last that long either.
Hilarious, but lasts less than a minute.
“Cleanup on Aisle Four”
Another “hilarious but short” song. The reason it’s on the bottom of the list is because it’s sung by a tertiary character and also, would Greg write the lyrics “I’m the pimento to your olive / I want to be inside of you”? Seems kind of a weird lyrics for a “nice guy” like Greg.
And that’s all. What would you change on this list?