Hi, The Flash. Can I call you The? Listen. I love what I've seen so far of your new series, The Flash. It's great stuff. You have all the makings of a classic hero, you really do. Which is why this is gonna be hard for me to tell you: Ya need to get over Iris West.

The, I've seen it a thousand times, and it's always heartbreaking. Unrequited feelings are a pain in the keister— even when that keister is clad in especially-designed fabric to prevent heat and friction damage. But you're a scientist, so out of respect to that, I'm gonna lay down some good, hard, science on ya.

She Was Raised To Find You Unattractive

I know, I know. In the comic books, you two wind up married. Which is great, for the comics. Comic book The Flash and Iris weren't raised together like siblings. It's not just that she's not into you. (She isn't.) It's that she's known you since the two of you were prepubescent, and you saw each other pretty much every day. Genetics aside, this is the reason why the vast majority of siblings don't want to go all Flowers in the Attic.

Attraction Isn't A Choice

I am only cruel to be kind, The. You live in the real world— a world of giant, working particle accelerators, and running at 700 mph. That lightning CHOSE YOU to become who you are, and I DON'T think that lightning intended for you to pine after your sister.


You're a scientist, so you should have some background in biology, yeah? Then you should know that romantic attraction comes down as much to physical chemistry as it does common interests, passions, goals, etc. Chemistry cannot be convinced, persuaded, or cajoled into finding someone attractive through gestures, logic, or persistent loyalty. (Alcohol might work, sure. But you'd both regret it later.) On a chemical level, Iris's body is telling her you're a trusted friend. Nothing more.

Go On And Read The Signals, The Flash


Look at that body language. This girl loves you… as a brother. She is completely relaxed in your presence, and is perfectly comfortable with contact— and about a foot and a half of distance between you. Obviously you're more than just friends, but outside of a friendly hug, she doesn't want you closer than that.

Her posture isn't subtly matching yours. Her attention is on someone else in the room, namely her boyfriend. She doesn't subconsciously fix her hair, touch her lips, or do any of the other dozen universal cues that you she's attracted to you. Because she's not.

She's Already Tried To Let You Down (Too) Gently

There was a brilliant scene in the pilot episode, between you two. You danced around the topic of your both being single, and she cut you off at the pass because she knew where it was going. Iris loves you, and because of that she's tried to let you down gently as possible.


Probably a little too gently, because you didn't take the hint. In the meantime, she has a boyfriend. Let that sink in. Okay? She's not in the market anymore. Respect that.

Pining After Iris Closes You Off To Available Women

I've been there, man. I know what it's like to get struck by lightning, spend nine months in a coma, and wake up with powers far beyond those of mortal men. Who here hasn't? But more importantly, I know what it feels like to pine and pine and pine after someone who you think is the absolute love of your life… when they're simply not interested.


Ya gotta get over it. There are steps to do that— like spend less time with the object of your unrequited affections— but until you do, you're going to be locked in a cycle of repetitive feelings. And buddy, I don't want to see you running around in circles unless you're unraveling an evil tornado.

It's gonna sting, yes. It will likely hurt. But— and this is a promise from me to you— it will hurt significantly less than the ongoing moderate ache of unrequited love you're feeling now.

Take some time and think it over, The. You've got a bright future ahead of you. (The next ten years, anyhow. Don't think too much about it.)



A Friend

P.S. Maybe don't spend so much time around Dr. Wells. That guy… that guy may not have your best interests at heart.