Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks

Hi, I'm Lurkerbynature and I am was may still be am a Star Wars fan.

Many of my formative experiences were influenced by or even defined by my love of Star Wars. I got into online fandom because of Star Wars, and discovered an enduring interest in fan fiction because frankly, a lot of the fan written stuff was better than the official Extended Universe novels (which I devoured, not because it was good but because it was Star Wars). (As for my own fic, I was self-critical enough to realize that my half-finished fic was horribly Mary Sue-ish, and it never saw the light of day. I wrote satirical poetry comparing the uneven attitudes towards Science Fiction fans and Sports fans.) My best friend and I became friends because over a sleepy breakfast in the cafeteria we somehow got onto the topic of Star Wars and fan fiction and realized we'd both been subjected to the same traumatizingly bad fic and had been equally squicked by it. I lurked through the great Gonk Wars of RASSM. I laughed at the Shaven Wookie website and customized my Windows themes with all the great wav files on BlueHarvest.net. My first car was dubbed "Red Five" (and yes, I had an X-wing hanging from the rear view mirror instead of fuzzy dice). My first kiss happened after seeing the Extended Edition in the cinema. I broke up with my first boyfriend after realizing that if I really still had more feelings for the imaginary character Luke Skywalker than I did for the real guy I was kissing, maybe I shouldn't be kissing him. (And realizing that my crush on Luke was really wanting to be a Luke Skywalker not so much sexual attraction — even counting Dagobah — helped me to understand a lot more about myself and how I understood attraction.) In college, I translated Yoda into Koine Greek. My half of the dorm wall was plastered with Star Wars posters, in hilarious contrast to the puppies and kittens on my roommate's half of the wall. The John Williams soundtracks were some of my best study music. I tracked down and watched the Holiday Special. Multiple times. And introduced other people to it.

I was ecstatic when a new trilogy was finally announced, and of course I stood in line. I even saw The Phantom Menace four times in the cinema just for the sheer fact that it was Star Wars of some sort. I mean, I could kind of pretend that . . . no. I moved on from Star Wars fic to other fandoms because I just didn't care about Qui Gon/Obi Wan slash and suddenly that was almost all I could find. I still saw Attack of the Whiny Hayden Christensen because it was Star Wars, and immediately judged it "half bad", because well, there was Yoda and Yoda is always awesome, and then there was the rest of the movie. I eventually saw Revenge of the Sith before it was completely gone from the cinemas. I came to the conclusion that my canon was the Original Trilogy and I'd consider the Holiday Special canon before I ever did the prequels. I gave away my Death Star mouse pad and my bronze figurine keychains, and all the EU novels I got on the cheap as the first step of moving stuff out of my parents' house.


I haven't really cared since about anything "new" related to Star Wars. Pink Five was the best thing Star Wars to come out since the extended editions (and when I say that, know that I refused to buy the extended edition on video), and of course it was fan-made. I couldn't be arsed to watch more than a bit of the Clone Wars.

I haven't even clicked on the recent casting announcements.

But still, if I'm flipping through channels late at night and come across A New Hope on some godforsaken channel, or if I'm suddenly in the mood and grab my DVD of The Empire Strikes Back I'm transfixed again. My love for those movies hasn't been diminished by all the things that carry their name that I think are sheer crap. They still hold all the sense of wonder they did when I first saw them. The patterns of well-known actions and dialogue quoted silently along with the characters are like home to me. I still kinda want to be Luke Skywalker.

So, I'm definitely still a Star Wars fan. I guess. From a certain point of view. But I may not bother watching the new movies.

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