Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks

Hey, so here's one I've been kicking around for some time now, for a number of reasons.

Let's open up with how I got onto this one. I'm an introvert. Yes, yes. Shocking I know. As one, I have difficulties socializing at times, that includes with my own family and friends. More often than not, you'll see me in a crowd of friends at the bar and I'll be the guy staring off into space. Lost entirely in thought. While everyone else is loud and boisterous (and obnoxious) around him. On Christmas Day I visited my dad's side of the family. Within twenty minutes I found myself walking outside to the back and just sitting on the grass in the shade and playing games on my phone (while uploading that video I shared).

Add to that the fact that I'm very in control of my emotions. I don't get upset, I don't get down, etc. (That's not to say I don't feel any of that, I am just very cool about remaining emotionally neutral most of the time. I definitely don't start lashing out when upset or weeping uncontrollably when down or anything is what I mean.) I control my emotions, they don't control me. This has led to people, family and friends, commenting on the fact and asking me if I'm capable of feeling or making connections with people. I can and do both those things, but I have a very hard time showing it. I won't tell people how I feel about them, but I hope I show them by what I do or don't do. If I let people hug me, I'm okay with them. Touching me is a general no no. It's a huge invasion of my personal space, so if I allow it (without flinching or anything) that's my way of signing I give you permission to do so because I feel comfortable with you. I might not tell a girl I like her, but it's evident in the way I am around her and the things I do for her. If I tell her cheesy jokes and send her videos of myself playing my guitar and singing along, it's my way of showing I'm comfortable with her. When I do things for her, there's a reason for it. Basically all I'm saying.


All that said, I kind of remain closed off in some ways with people. I find it difficult to concern myself with things that concern them. "No, I do not care about what the Kardashians are up to." "If your coworker is being a bitch say something, but for the love of god stop bitching about her without doing anything to change the situation." Things like that. People say I don't react the way expected.

But I find myself hugely moved by the lives of imaginary characters. I doubt I'm alone in that. I'm catching up on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. right now (missed the last three or so episodes) and was thinking about Simmons near death. I choked up when I thought she was going to die. Yes, I a 28 year old man choked up and shed actual tears (not just "my eyes got watery") when this imaginary character nearly died on a television show. (We'll have to overlook the fact that I have a huge crush on Simmons. Lol.)

I've done the same before with other characters.

I still can't watch either Spidey film without weeping when Uncle Ben dies. I've had people knock on my door and I've had to open it, hiding in the dark, and had them say, "Are you crying?" "I'm watching a fucking movie. Sad part. Fuck you!" And promptly shut it on them to go back to the movie.


Here's my main point from that rambling mess. Why is it that as an introvert I can care deeply and get incredibly open emotionally about imaginary characters, as opposed to doing the same (or not doing it at all) about real people in my life?

I have no clue one way or another. A part of me thinks it has more to do with the bonds I share with the imaginary on a greater level than with the real. Not to say I'm crazy or anything like that, although I probably am. I just mean, I read about these characters daily or watch them on television weekly. Their lives, their dreams, etc. I see it firsthand. I don't see anyone else's regularly, just when they cross paths with my own. It's possible this allows me to form a greater connection because their lives intermingle with mine more regularly and their pain and happiness and everything is in a way my own. Who knows though.


Anyone have any thoughts on the subject? Or want to share similar stories?

I think this was all exacerbated and brought to the forefront of my mind by Balmut's post. [shakes fist in Balmut's direction]


Just thought I'd post that.

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