Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks

Computer coming tomorrow! So excited!

But frankly, that’s not was this post is about. its actually about the hero of this tale. The Delivery Guy.

Now, this being the internet, we’ve all heard some nightmare stories, seen the pictures and watched the videos of some punk-ass driver pulling up and throwing your package across the length of your garden to land in your fishpond.


Not cool Mr Delivery Guy.


Now fingers crossed, god-willing and double-down-jinxed, I would hope my parcel is treated with the respect and care its expensive ass deserves.

And the odds are good.

To date, I have had 4 emails and 7 text messages from the delivery service telling exactly where my parcel is and when it will arrive. The latest text message actually informed me that they would notify me when the driver is within an hour of my address to ensure someone will be available!


Talk about high-speed, low drag!

So now, all they have to do is *ahem* deliver on their promises.

And i will deny to my dying breath that, as of 6:00pm, I was notified that the crate had arrived at my local depot only 24 miles outside of town... and that I was seriously considering bribing someone (anyone, tbh) with a car to take me there immediately for direct pick-up.


So here’s to you Mr Delivery Guy and your awesome Delivery Service that just will not stop sending me messages like some crazy stalker ex.

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