WARNING: the following post has nostalgia and bits of navel-gazing in it. Read at own risk.

When I was 12, I read a book in which the protagonist wrote a letter to herself to read when she was 10 years older. I loved the idea of this so much that I even decided to write myself a letter to read when I turned 24. (BTW, this is a brief into the both the mind of YoungJuggler. Strange child, I am- I mean was.) I've actually managed to keep up with it and it's about a yard away from me right now. I'm due to open it in about 8 months but every time I think about it now, I just feel kinda sad, I think?

I remember the trivial things I wrote but it's more of the expectations of YoungJuggler that I remember the most. Being thinner, better hair more cool, the typical childish expectations of adulthood but part of me feels like I've let YJ down a little. I've just now gotten a more stable job and learning how to drive, I've just now focusing on better myself and I know that most of it is because of ME and my choice to slack off on things.

On the other hand though, I've done things that I know YJ wouldn't have thought I would do. Over the years, I've gotten more outgoing as a person and more confident in myself. I went to an actual school (I was always homeschooled) and kicked major butt there. Heck, I hand-wrote a book in a month and sent in a short story that got accepted. All and all, not a bad life.

Still, it's one of those cases of what I know vs. what I feel. I feel like I should be better when I know that "better" is a vague and crappy goal. I feel disappointed in myself for drifting when I know that it's a common problem for people and that I'm making strives to fix it. Man, this sucks! I hate adult-ing. (Wait, isn't this what normal people do at 30? How did I manage to have this freakout 6 years early?! I'm so weird....)

I'm not going to worry too much. I'm going to spend my time bettering myself and leveling up because I want to, not because of some semi-imaginary 12 year old who doesn't know her X-men from her Justice League. Besides, I'm sure that if YJ saw me now, I could very easily distract her using Youtube and books. It's the same thing that distracts me now! :)

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ETA: And now, I want to read the wretched thing. Why would I make it 12 years instead of 10 years. YJ was an idiot.