Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks

Enjoy a laugh at my expense.

Sometimes it seems that for every awesome thing someone shares on here I get some ill timed news that just brings me down.

Right now is one of those times. Just did something really nice for someone, got a very ugly response that kinda threw me off. So I decided to go through my Twitter thingy and find a few quotes from one of my friends that always crack me up. I decided to share them with you guys. If you want more background on them, I'll write a little bit with each screenshot and explain things as best I can.

We shall start from oldest to most recent. Note: I do not remember when these were stated, but all were within the past year.


Obviously keep in mind, the oldest thing said on there is at the bottom. For reference, all those were stated by my best friend while he was high.

The hippo thing refers to some kind of stuffed pillow that looks like a technicolor hippo. It was put up on the bars of his balcony outside his room because it was lunch time and we were sitting out there and I pointed out people could see from the street. He was tripping out with it at one point.

The "no one cares" thing was because I was drunk and went on a rant about privacy and the NSA, one that I think is really good. My friend asked me to explain the issue, then he said that. "Nobody knows..." of course is from one of the greatest movies of all time, Spaceballs. We have a habit of quoting movies and TV shows and stuff pretty regularly. Sometimes we have entire conversations consisting of nothing but quotes from stuff. (Congo is our current movie of choice for quotes. "STOP EATING MY SESAME CAKE." "You want me to push you too?" "You gave her the banana with the dope inside?" And so on and so forth.)


The person getting upset about the "mime" thing is me, my friend can never get that right. Even now, after a year of explaining things to him, he still says "mime" instead of "meme". That came up because of college, he just turned to me and was like "I keep hearing about this 'internet mime' thing while I'm walking around class. What's that all about?" It took awhile to figure out what he was talking about. Did I mention he was high?


That one is pretty self explanatory. My friend sucks at math. I was under the impression that he was sober, til I suspected he wasn't.


Basically, same story. Friend's a toker. We were waiting outside another friend's house for almost two hours cause we owed them some money and they get real snappy if we don't pay on time. They took forever to get home. We have random conversations while waiting at places. (I have a few recorded. If anyone is interested in hearing those speak up in the comments and I'll post links to them.)

No clue how Interpol came up. Think we were talking about Lord of War with Nick Cage and Ethan Hawke. About fifteen minutes after we finish that conversation my friend says that gem. I honestly thought he was fucking with me. Sometimes his stupidity (and mine) knows no bounds.


"Hang on tight" was us starting to lose it. I was sitting quietly reading and my friend was lying in the backseat of his Jeep kicking my seat. He can't handle sitting quietly anywhere. Our friend was taking forever and my bestie was pissing me off by not letting me read. I called our buddy and was like "Where the fuck are you?!" That was his response. It amused us.

My phone died and led to the next part. My buddy was starting to have his calm damaged. [rolls eyes] He demanded I call our friend from his phone despite our friend not knowing his number.


That last one. Lol. That was beyond random. Friend just blurted that out randomly. He might be an idiot, in his defense.


That was from a few days ago. Sometimes I'm pretty sure he says things just to mess with me. It was light out and it grew darker as we were driving somewhere and it was almost like he didn't notice til all of a sudden. He may have been high. I try not to judge him or make assumptions. The "put out" bit was just him being random (and high). His girlfriend would murder me and then him if she had heard that. Luckily this site isn't on her radar, although that "there is NO MOON" bit would definitely be something she's interested in. (The things she believes. I should record her ranting about conspiracies. Priceless. Hilarious. Almost unbelievable.)

That is all for now. Hope you guys enjoyed these. More will come, I can guarantee that.

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