Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Illustration for article titled Exclusive: New Doctor Revealed to be Played by an American, And Not Even A Time-Lord Anymore!

The BBC today have shockingly revealed that the next incarnation of everyone’s favourite face-changing pyscho with a sinister love for British 20-something women will be played by none other than former President of the United States George W. Bush and will no longer be a Time-Lord at all.

In a piece published on the BBC News website a spokesman for the series spoke to the site, saying that this represents a great leap forward in how open a character the Doctor is going forward but not to worry as the new Doctor won’t in anyway be defined by this trait. When asked that “was it not the case that publicly making a fuss about said trait inherently means you are selling the series based on that trait” the spokesperson was suddenly escorted from the room by men in suits and replaced with a much younger and even more diverse individual who immediately denied the move was in any way a desperate attempt to stay relevant amid declining ratings.


So far confirmed episodes for the new series are said to include fighting the Daleks on a 23rd Century Earth Colony, facing down the Weeping Angels who can now enter through the lower left buttock, and Mosul in 2003.

In other news the BBC have announced that the lineup of Top Gear will be changed once more, this time featuring a lineup of “hip and trendy” Youtubers without driving licences and will instead be about ways to use public transport instead of driving toxic personal vehicles.

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