Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Illustration for article titled Five Reasons Why Man of Steel is Better Than Anything Marvel Created Ever

The 2013 sleeper hit Man of Steel is one of the greatest movies of our generation, and stands far above the plethera of comic book films from recent years. Still, it doesn’t seem to get the recognition it deserves. Here are the five top reasons that this movie skull stomps every weak-fart movie Marvel has excreted to date.

1) Superman is Realistic.

Superman is an alien from another star system with superhuman powers, but how is he so relatable? Simply stated, he is us. He grew up a regular boy in Kansas and found he had amazing powers. He is Clark Kent, that’s not just his secret identity. He would be happy to be a journalist and call it a day, but his power compels him to try to serve others. Its the same challenge the United States faces with world problems. If you have the power to save lives, do you insert yourself in that situation or let things play out?


2) Embraces his Cape.

Contrary to the recent Incredibles movie, super heroes wear capes. Yet heroes like Ironman, Captain America, Black Widow, and Hawkeye seem to be ashamed to keep this super hero standard. Superman is fully embracing this trope and his movie is greatly improved from it. People ask “Why doesn’t Black Widow have a solo movie yet?” I think people should be asking “Where is her cape?”

3) Realistic Views on Environmental Policy

Man of Steel is for realists. Ironman makes up some sort of magical energy to power his suit. Red Skull finds a magic square to power his Nazi superguns. Vision is SOLAR POWERED. Superman is the only super hero movie with a foot in the real world, in that he works on an oil platform. Despite what liberals will have you believe in the PC science-sphere, coal and oil are still the most viable sources of energy in the world, and carbon’s effect on climate is still debated and probably overstated. Oil provides thousands of jobs for Americans and is a crucial part of the American economy.


You might point out that Superman is also solar powered, and that would be an uninformed and ignorant statement, and also VERY stupid. He gets his powers because of the yellow light from our star which has more energy than the red star that Krypton orbited, don’t be obtuse.

The oil rig lights on fire in the movie but that is a statistical anomaly, oil drilling operations are proven safe and eco-friendly.


4) Dad Eaten by Tornado

I’m going to be honest, I don’t remember this movie that well. I think papa Kent was eaten by a tornado? That’s very tragic because Superman has the power to fly the opposite direction around the tornado and cancel it out. This shit is real life drama. Cap’s dad died offscreen in WW1, Ironan’s dad died off screen in a car accident, Thor’s dad died off screen in a patricide accident, Man of Steel is the only movie to have the guts to show a dad dying in a rad way. Spider-Man showed Uncle Ben die a bunch of times but that doesn’t count because it was an uncle and the death was stupid.


5) I’m Drunk Already

When I started writing this I was drinking Eye of the Hawk, which is like 12% alcohol which is like four times as strong as my regular sipping beer. I’m kind of out of it now. Superman rules, eat my butt. I need coffee or something.


[opinions expressed here are those of Penabler and not those of io9.com, Observation Deck, or Gawker Media. He was paid $800 to write this article, plus $5 commission for every comment that says this article sucks and he plans to spend it all on coke. This was totally not written because zhandi dared me to write another very bad article.]

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