Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks

How to Tell If You Are in a High Fantasy Novel

Illustration for article titled How to Tell If You Are in a High Fantasy Novel

Mallory Ortberg, Goddess of the Toast and Queen of the Bon mot, has given us a definitive test on whether or not we are in a high fantasy novel. I use these tests everyday to make sure I haven't fallen through a wardrobe or down a well and woken up somewhere... Different.

The Elders would like a word with you.

The Ritual is about to begin.

Something that has not happened in a thousand years is happening.

You are going to the City. There is only one City. It is only said with a capital C. No one needs to bother saying the name of the City. It is the City.

Certain members of the Council are displeased with your family's recent actions.

A bard is providing occasional comic relief; no one hired or invited him and his method of earning a living is unclear.

The High Priest is not to be trusted.

Someone is eating an apple mockingly.

There is one body of water. It is called the Sea. The Great Sea, if you are feeling fancy.


Today all the answers have been negative but there is someone eating an apple mockingly nearby so further tests are needed (I'm going to go see if there are any talking squirrels).

[The Toast]

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