So over on this article, I wrote that the perfect Ghostbusters show would go something like this: “The Ghostbusters decide to do what they should have done in the first place: FRANCHISE! The Netflix show follows one of the franchises as they attempt to make their business a success...and all the troubles that follow them. The show is called Ghostbusters Inc.” Well, I figured that this idea deserves expanding on this installment of Hypothetical TV. So here we go.
It’s been 35 years since the original Ghostbusters faced off against Gozer and a giant Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man and 30 years since they faced off against Vigo the Carpathian in a giant walking Statue of Liberty and times have changed. Over twenty years ago, Peter Venkman convinced the other Ghostbusters to franchise their business and other Ghostbuster groups have popped up since then across the country. But since the existence of life after death was proven, there has also been a massive push in Congress to give rights to ghosts, as well as shut down the Ghostbusters franchise (and the various knock-offs that refuse to pay the franchise fee).
The story starts with a new Ghostbusters franchise opened by Dr. Evangeline “Evie” Adams. Opening a Ghostbusters franchise has been her lifelong dream ever since she witnessed her grandfather’s ghost when she was a child. She’s joined by her best friend Helena Hahn; a spiritual “expert” named Vincent Charles “Charlie” de Thyme; and Carla Reichenbach, who used to be an EMT before being fired. They are quickly joined by (still) secretary Janine Melnitz, who provides some expertise (in answering phones).
They are quickly confronted with not just the anti-Ghostbusters group, but also a conspiracy to conjure the spirits of the greatest mass murderers and serial killers in all history. Can they fight off humans, ghosts, and stop the bootleg “Spirit Stoppers” from stealing their shtick?
DR. EVANGELINE “EVIE” ADAMS, PhD.
- A headstrong investigator of paranormal activity, Evie was first interested in the spirit world when she was a young girl and witnessed the ghost of her grandfather at his own funeral. At first, she was excited, but he turned out to be malevolent and was stopped by the original Ghostbusters. After that, she became dedicated to researching the spirit world and buying a Ghostbusters franchise of her own.
- Evie’s best friend from childhood, Helena took a...different path during adulthood. Inspired by her best friend’s earnest choices, she instead decided to write about various accounts of the afterlife...all of which are fake. After book, Heaven is Totally Real and I’ve Been There was debunked as fake, she was forced to return home and become roommates with Evie. When Evie buys the Ghostbusters franchise, Helena sees it as a chance to make a lot of money.
VINCENT CHARLES “CHARLIE” de THYME
- A spiritual “expert,” Charlie styles himself as a modern day spiritualist and seeks to learn from the spirits that they capture. The only reason Evie hired him was because the Ghostbusters Franchise Rules state that you must have one “expert” on spirits on the team. It just didn’t state that they had to be particularly smart.
- Carla is a hard-bitten ex-EMT. She refuses to tell the others why exactly she was fired, but she knows all the best ways to drive around the city and all the various shortcuts. She also sometimes displays far greater intelligence than the others give her credit for.
- She’s Janine. If you don’t know who Janine is, go watch Ghostbusters. She’s older, but still pretty much the same.
- Evangeline “Evie” Adams buys her Ghostbusters franchise and immediately runs into problems. The first one: how is it possible that the careful location she picked out is also, coincidentally, haunted?
- Also, her best friend Helena wants in on this scheme, Vincent Charles de Thyme burns some sage, and Carla Reichenbach buys a vehicle for the team.
- The newly franchised Ghostbusters encounter their first protest in the form of CETA, Christians for the Ethical Treatment of Appirations, a faith-based group dedicated to putting a stop to all Ghostbusters out there.
- Janine joins the group, because, hey, someone has to answer the phones. And emails. And texts.
- Can a ghost travel through language itself? When people start to inexplicably start saying the same words, the team has to figure out how to pull the ghost from their language centers or...well, something bad will happen, probably.
- Helena realizes that someone else is stepping on their turf: can she stop the “Spirit Stoppers”?
- Their first commercial is live! And they’ve got new business! But how much business is too much business? And how many of the people calling actually have ghost problems?
- Meanwhile, Carla has a date with a ghost groupie.
- When an artist begins using captive ghosts in his artwork, it attracts not only the attention of the Ghostbusters, but also CETA again. Can they work together? Or will their differences divide them?
- Charlie and Helena investigate the possibility of “The Conspiracy.”
- The group fails to catch a pretty standard ghost, leading everyone to feel bad about themselves. So Janine decides to bring them some help with the most self-confident person she knows: Dr. Peter Venkman.
- That’s Bill Murray, y’all. Bill Murray is in this episode.
- If Bill Murray isn’t available, we could probably get Dan Aykroyd and Ernie Hudson instead for the same price.
- Also, “The Conspiracy” grows bigger. What do they want the ghost of Hitler for? I mean, really? The ghost of Hitler?
- An episode from the perspective of the Spirit Stoppers. You didn’t think that Helena really told them off, did you? There might be more than meets the eye with the Spirit Stoppers, though. What possible connection could they have to “The Conspiracy”?
- Also, the ghost of Stalin meets the ghost of Hitler and they do not get along. Talk about drama!
- Can there be such a thing as a sexy ghost? What about a sexy ghost killing people? Well, there is now! When the local police force finally ask the Ghostbusters for their help, they are thrust into a world of depravity and death.
- Also, Janine pulls out her big white board and helps Charlie fill in the blanks with “The Conspiracy.”
- Is a ghost pirate ship really haunting the beach? Well, yeah. Now the real question is: can the Ghostbusters really capture an entire ghost ship on their own? Do they have the experience and technology? The expertise?
- Eh, maybe.
- Evie finds herself trapped in a maze-like haunted house, away from the other Ghostbusters. How did she get here and how can she get out? And...is that the ghost of H.H. Holmes?
- Well, I guess we know what “The Conspiracy” has been doing for the past few episodes.
- Now that the existence of “The Conspiracy” has been proven to the other Ghostbusters, they just need to prove it to the city and try to stop the group from...doing whatever it is they are doing. I mean, they know they exist, they don’t know what their goals are yet. Except they do know that it involves a lot of people dying.
- The Ghostbusters are in for the fight of their lives against “The Conspiracy.” They are four Ghostbusters (and one Janine) against an army of ghost serial killers and mass murderers.
- Eh, they’ll probably be fine.
- Are the Ghostbusters over? Well, not the entire franchise, but just this one store? Can they live to see tomorrow and, if so, will they even get enough profits to keep this whole shebang going?
- I guess it all depends on if people liked this show better than the 2016 Ghostbusters movie.
- Dammit, they told us not to mention that film. Oh well.