Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
This is a platform for User Generated Content. G/O Media assumes no liability for content posted by Kinja users to this platform.

I did a horrible, terrible, shameful thing this week.(Spoilers kinda?)

Illustration for article titled I did a horrible, terrible, shameful thing this week.(Spoilers kinda?)

I enjoyed Amazing Spider-Man 2.

I know, it's disgusting. I'm planning on going to the doctor and having myself checked out. Obviously something is seriously wrong. I had all these perfectly negative preconceptions of the movie and I went in and they all went out the window. What the hell? Obviously the movie couldn't have been enjoyable, so there is something defective in MY BRAIN!!


Marc Webb and Sony ruined the movie by shoving 87 diffferent movies into one movie to catch up with Marvel. Everyone knows this. So why don't I hate the movie?!! Do I have some degenerative nerd disease that weakens my ability to be a condescending ass.....err....I mean highly discerning viewer?

How am I supposed to live now, stuck among the small folk, enjoying shit? God, typing that made me want to throw up.



I mean really. But I'm hoping a trip to the doctor will fix me up, so that when I see Amazing Spider-Man 2 again, I will be disappointed but not surprised by Marc Webb ruining Spider-Man at the behest of his cruel corporate overmasters. I will role my eyes in derision at the death of a major character. I will tremble in outrage at so many villains appearing on screen and mutter "Batman and Robin" under my breath, while shaking my head sadly. Then I will post about the obvious obviousness of all the things wrong with Sony, Webb's Spider-Man, and human civilization in general. I will give backhanded compliments to people that did enjoy the movie, wishing I was not as highly evolved as I am, which would allow such crude corporate fare to move me.


But for now I'm all happy I saw the movie and glad I experienced it. Don't worry, I've quarantined myself and hopefully I will be cured before Transformers comes out. Could you imagine someone liking a Michael Bay movie?

So for everyone out there, be careful. If you find yourself enjoying something, seek help immediately.


Take care and be safe!

Share This Story

Get our newsletter