Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks

I had honestly not expected that Rhianna would be the only one I care for in Valerian......

Well played, Monsieur Besson. Well. Kinda. Minor Spoilers

I mostly agree with Germain - while I don’t really think Valerian and the City of thousand planets is necessarily empty as such, it sure is a visual feast so fast paced and so quippy that it leaves us very little time to digest the plot, let alone feel much of an emotional connection to our two heroes. Particularly Dane Dehan’s title character, a wannabe space James Bond trying to permanently persuade his partner to be the one to end his womanising ways is dancing very close on the edge of getting REALLY annoying. Add to that action pieces that are so fast and weird that I seriously doubt that Besson himself could explain some of them (Did the Pearl ship contain a whole planet in the end? Was it a portal to it? How? Why??? And if you cannot interact with the Bazaar from another dimension, how can its attack dogs harm Valerian).


So - it came as an actual surprise that the only character that I really liked and AGAIN -SPOILERS - so she of course is the only one of relevance who dies - is Bubbles.

Yes. Rhianna’s character is called Bubbles. She’s a shapeshifting stripper/sex slave, owned by her pimp Space Ethan Hawke (played by Ethan Hawke) and she’s the only one with a personality. The only one with an character arc that’s more than a kitschy throwaway line about true love, the only one who’s genuinely and deeply sympathetic and funny. And of course she’s in it for about 20 minutes before we get back to Avatar hippie Aliens and the City of 1000 ISS modules.

All in all - a visually exiting, if after a while too overstimulating film. That needs more Bubbles!

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