Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks

"I'm not doing it for that"

I don't care why you're doing it. My point is that you're NOT doing it, so please quit saying that you are.

Once in a while people tell me that they can't eat something, because they are vegetarians. Okay. Fine. That's nice. But then a bunch of these people who have told me that they are vegetarians eat chicken or something. Chickens are not vegetables, chickens are animals. There are different types of vegetarians but none of them eat chicken.


Hey, I thought you told me that you're a vegetarian.

"I'm not doing it for that."

Seriously, they've said that to me. And if they do not go on to explain that are doing it for health reasons instead of not wanting to kill animals, I'm supposed to get that is what they mean.

It just totally goes over their heads that they have misled someone or totally lied to someone about being a vegetarian. They don't get it. They think if they don't eat cows that's pretty much the same as being a vegetarian, or that it is in fact the same thing.

You could say instead that you don't eat red meat (I think most of it is rather red, but I'd know what that means), or that you mostly eat vegetarian stuff or that you're trying to eat less meat. You could just tell me that you're worried about your health and trying to watch what you eat.


But don't tell me that you're a vegetarian if you're not a vegetarian. That makes me think that if I want to include you in something that I'm going to have to make you special food or make sure that we only go to certain restaurants, etc.... But then this whole time we could have gone anywhere we wanted, and you just would have ordered chicken.

Vegetarians (ovo-lacto-vegetarians) don't eat any animal meat of any kind, but they eat other animal products like eggs and cheese.


Vegans are vegetarians who also don't eat or use any animal products. So no eggs and no dairy, and they don't wear leather. And the really serious vegans can't eat honey cause basically that's keeping an animal in captivity and then stealing the food they make.

Fruitarians only eat seeds and fruits and stuff that is meant to come off of the plant and you can eat it without damaging or killing the plant. So besides no animal products, also no carrots or potatoes or lettuce and such. Cause, you know, they don't murder carrots.


And then these three groups have subgroups that only eat raw food and stuff like that.

And then there are a couple of groups that are NOT vegetarians but often eat the same as vegetarians. And I think that I'd forgive them for saying that they are vegetarian, as I'd never heard of these terms a year ago, but wouldn't it be more truthful and just as easy to say that they are almost vegetarians instead of they are vegetarians. Flexitarians are people who eat very little meat. Pescetarians eat vegetarian stuff and seafood, and I can get this from either the health point or the not wanting to eat cute animal point, but I just don't think most of us would recognize the term. (And now apparently there are people called Pollo-pescetarians who also eat poultry, but I'm afraid they eat so much stuff I don't see the point in having a special term for them. But at least there is a term for them if they have to be called something, cause they aren't vegetarians.) Anyway, maybe if more people said that they were Flexitarian or Pescetarian (if they are in fact that and not just liking to call themselves something that they are not), the terms would catch on, and we'd know what it meant the next time someone said it.


Okay, so don't tell me that you're a vegetarian while you are eating a hotdog that is NOT made out of soy.

So that was already annoying. And for now we will not discuss "weeds". That is also annoying, but I just haven't the time.


Then I started a diet, after reading a book called The Virgin Diet (not what it sounds like, the author's last name is Virgin). And then I went looking for recipes for the Virgin Diet. And often I'd find something that said it was for the Virgin Diet, but then it would have stuff that is not on the diet at all (corn, peanuts, artificial sweeteners), or something that is rarely on the diet during the testing stage (eggs, dairy, soy, gluten) or other things that are supposed to be avoided most of the time if you are trying to lose weight (bananas, potatoes, most pre-packaged foods, added sugar).

I found a blog of someone who said she was on the diet. She said she hadn't lost much weight like she had hoped, but she felt better without all this stuff in her diet. And then she had a recipe for vegetable beef soup, and you need a whole bag of potatoes. And I left her a comment, saying I was disappointed that her recipes for the Virgin Diet wouldn't actually work for someone on the diet. Her reply was that she wasn't making recipes for other people, she was just sharing her personal story of how much the Virgin diet had helped her feel better. Just totally went over her head that potatoes weren't on the diet. Potatoes are one of those things that you can have once in a while after you've lost weight, and according to JJ Virgin are not much better for you than just eating giant lumps of sugar. But this woman who claims to be on the diet (though not losing much weight) has been eating them on a regular basis for more than a year. Maybe that's why she isn't losing weight? So I don't see how she can tell everyone she's on this diet if she's eating so much of this thing that you mostly aren't supposed to eat at all.


Anyway, I thought I'd finally got my mother to go on the diet too (at least for seven weeks, I'm not going to do this stuff forever either). She's been saying all year how I look great and that she needs to do something. Besides wanting to lose weight, she thinks that she might have a problem with gluten, so this diet should be perfect for her. So we go out and buy some of the stuff, and already she's saying that she might not do this exactly.

You can't be on a diet and not do the diet exactly. Not if you expect it to work. Especially this one. If you eat something you are not supposed to have in the first three weeks, you mostly have to start over. But she's saying that she's still going to go out with her friends (and eat potatoes and fried foods and other things that she isn't supposed to eat) for sure once a month and probably more like once a week. And also she doesn't want to give up the artificial sweeteners in her coffee. The coffee that she drinks every morning.


Seriously, she just went out and spent like two hundred dollars on stuff to start the diet, but she won't commit to actually being on the diet. Some of this diet isn't about losing weight, it's about feeling better. She says "I'm not doing it for that. I just want to lose weight." Really? After all the stuff she's said about how she doesn't feel good and has this problem and that problem and she thinks she also has a problem with gluten, she's not doing it for that? Besides the fact that if you start a diet and don't actually eat/drink what it says and avoid what it says, you won't lose weight anyway. You're either on the diet or you not on the diet. You can't be on a diet for some other reason and then eat stuff you're not supposed to. That's not called being on a diet. That's just called being a picky eater.

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