Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks

I'm reading All-New Ultimates #4 right now...

And, WOW. I mean, WOW. The first three issues sucked, but this— This is on a whole other level. I can't even. This is like, one of the worst comics I've ever read levels of terrible.

I thought the cover was just a dumb comic book cover, but no, this is literally a whole issue of the female members of the team going to the beach, and discussing their sex lives with each other. That's— That's what happens in this issue. Not even a few pages, either, I flipped through the rest, that is the majority of this issue. Also, Ultimate Spider-Woman or Black Widow or whatever she's calling herself now comes out as gay and immediately (I mean immediately) starts hitting on her BFF Kitty Pryde. That's, that would be fine if it weren't being written in an issue which is LITERALLY NOTHING BUT FANSERVICE!


I was so hopeful. I was so very, very hopeful. The team was announced and— and it was diverse, but not just for the sake of diversity, it was made of really great characters. Miles Morales, Spider-Woman, Kitty Pryde, Bombshell, these are some of my favorite Marvel characters now, and I was thrilled to see what they had in store. And that backdoor pilot for this series they had in Ultimate Spider-Man was fantastic! And yet, all they had in store was— was this?

The— I don't— Why is this a swimsuit issue? It's our fourth issue, none of the plot has been wrapped up, this should be the part where our heroes are grouping up to go take down the bad guys, and instead we have a swimsuit issue? Is this a joke?

I'm— I'm going to do a review of this later, but— Don't buy this. Don't spend four dollars on this book. If someone offers you four dollars to take it off of their hands, think really long and hard about it first, because this is legitimately one of the worst single issues I've ever read of anything. You guys remember the freaky friday story in Ultimate Spider-Man, where Spidey and Wolverine switched bodies? The one which has two extra pages in the trade collection of Brian Michael Bendis literally apologizing for writing such a bad story arc? That's Citizen Kane compared to this piece of crap.


I'm literally shocked by how awful this issue is.

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