Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks

In "This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things" News...

The ESA landing Philae on a moving comet is a massive achievement for mankind but did you know it had sinister implications? Yes friends, the alien conspiracy theorists have sounded an urgent alarm about the mission.

The Guardian published the ravings of some nutballs who believe in government coverups who accuse the ESA of hiding the real reason for the Philae mission. Did you know the comet is actually a space craft that's transmitting a message? They claim the ESA had to shut the threat down immediately before the TRUTH got out... by taking twelve years to get there. Okay then.


Other groups claim noise the comet makes are communications between alien races. All any of the conspiracy groups can agree on is that the ESA is full of lying liars who lie and walk around with their trousers permanently on fire.

Landing Philae is an amazing human accomplishment. The fact it's being used by alien conspiracy theorists is annoying. One small step for man, one giant leap back because mankind is full of idiots.

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