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Mapping Out 2017 in Movies

Illustration for article titled Mapping Out 2017 in Movies

Being the fastidious type, I decided to take a look at all of the films that are coming out in 2017 and write down the ones I would want to watch. I’ve marked down the ones I want to go see opening weekend.


John Wick: Chapter 2 (February 2)

The first John Wick was a surprisingly awesome film (one that’s been described as “The Boogeyman on Mount Olympus”), so with the same director, same actors, and same awesome action scenes, I’ll definitely see the second film.

The Lego Batman Movie (February 10)

It’s Lego Batman. That’s all the reason I need.

Get Out (February 24)

I love a good psychological horror film and this one (written and directed by Jordan Peele of Key & Peele) looks amazingly trippy and creepy. Just look at this trailer:

Logan (March 3) opening weekend

This one just looks amazing. It’s taken a long time to get the inevitable conclusion of “superhero western,” but this one looks like not only does it finally get a great Wolverine movie, but also a great movie period.

Kong: Skull Island (March 10)

I’ll admit: I have no idea if this movie will be good or not. The director’s last film was a stand-up documentary. But the cast includes Tom Hiddleston, Samuel L. Jackson, John Goodman, and Brie Larson, so at least watching them will be fun.

The Belko Experiment (March 17)

It’s a horror movie written by James Gunn. I’m in.

Ghost in the Shell (March 31)

I saw and loved the original anime, so do I want to see the live-action movie, whitewashed as it is? Probably.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (May 5) opening weekend

Obviously. Hell, I’m already cracking up remembering stuff from the trailer.

Alien: Covenant (May 19)

I went to see Prometheus in theaters, so why not.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (May 19)

Why not. It’s either this or Baywatch. Also, I love a good ghost pirate ship story.

Wonder Woman (June 2) opening weekend

Hell to the yes. This is the movie that DC should have released instead of Batman v Superman v Editing. I’m hoping against all hope that it’s a great film. The trailer was awesome, but I’ve been burned before.

The Mummy (June 9)

Well, time to see how another studio tries to capture that “Marvel lightning.” Let’s hope they start off better than DC did.

Transformers: The Last Knight (June 23)

It can’t be worse than the previous Transformers film and the writing crew makes it look a tiny bit more interesting. Plus, Anthony Hopkins can make anything sound cool.

Spider-Man: Homecoming (July 7) opening weekend

It’s Marvel doing their own Spider-Man movie and it looks awesome. Especially Michael Keaton’s Vulture. Yes please.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (July 21)

It’s from the director of The Fifth Element directing the movie he wanted to make before he made The Fifth Element. It looks like a goddamn visual masterpiece.

And now we reach the movies without official trailers or teasers.

The Dark Tower (July 28)

It’s Idris Elba as Roland Deschain. C’mon, now, even if it sucks, you have to see it for Idris Elba as Roland.


It (September 8)

We all float down here. Let’s see if the big budget version can be scarier than the Tim Curry version.


Blade Runner 2049 (October 6)

Denis Villeneuve already blew me away with Arrival. Let’s see what he does with one of the most influential cyberpunk films ever.


Kingsman: The Golden Circle (October 6)

I goddamn loved the first Kingsman. Let’s see how they bring back Colin Firth’s character.


Thor: Ragnarok (November 3) opening weekend

I want to see more of the Adventures of Thor and his roommate Darryl.

Justice League (November 17) opening weekend

I’m going to see this for two things: Ben Affleck as Bruce Wayne and Ezra Miller as Barry Allen.

Star Wars Episode VIII (December 15)

Not even a title yet and I want to see it.

Movies which I will probably not see:

Underworld: Blood Wars (yawn), XXX: The Return of Xander Cage (did he leave? did anyone care?), Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (the “final” movie in a series of movies that increasingly have nothing to do with the video game Resident Evil), and Power Rangers (a movie that should be inherently goofy and ripe for a 21 Jump Street-style film is instead being made as a gritty reboot just because).


So there we go. What are the movies you guys want to see this year?

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