Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
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Off Topic Movie Post: Pain & Gain

Illustration for article titled Off Topic Movie Post: Pain  Gain

I know, I know, but the guy on the right is Roadblock! And the one to the left is in the Winter Soldier! I was totally justified in going to see it. Did you?


Well..don't. It's pretty awful. Were I less lazy, I'd have walked out in the middle. But I didn't have anything better to do with my morning, so I figured I could nap, but then there would be yelling and crunching of bones, and the afore-illustrated explosion, so not prime sleeping time.

I'm doing that thing where you read reviews afterwards to see who is brilliant and incisive (agrees with you) and who's an uncultured dolt (clearly saw a different film...) and I'm surprised at the people who don't think Johnson turned in a good job. Wahlberg seemed to be doing what he was asked, by a bad script and an ill-matched director—similar with Mackie, although there were flashes of more. But Dwayne brought energy to the movie, and at times he brough the (very little) sentiment the movie had. But you can't really root for them—they're not interesting enough, and rooting against them is like shooting fish in a barrel. No water. Just dead fish in the barrel. That's all you're shooting. Again and again. Until they're fishes, until they're fish. Mince fish.


God, it sucked. Did make me want to do situps, those cool ones at the start of the flick, and that I don't want to go to Florida just for fear of being anywhere near of any of those people. Much safer over here in LA. That would *never* happen. Well, at a gym.

Pilates, on the other hand...

Tony Shalhoub rocks the house. He is just ON. Really good. But not funny, not nice, not interesting. There's only so much you can do with those words. And Ed Harris could have been our point of entry into events, except he shows up 2/3 in and is quite lackadaisical. It was very "don't get attached, sweetie—we can't take any of them home!! no, not even the cute big one!"

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