So, Cracked.com has never been the best website in the world, but I still follow it because lists are a really great way to procrastinate on the internet.
I've mentioned bizarre or stupid articles before, and even had a rant about one of their articles claiming that all the Marvel movies are the same generic action movie back in June, which I will basically refute now with the following gif.
Today's article though... Phew, I don't even know. It's called "5 Classic Movies You Didn't Realize Were Completely Insane." Harmless enough, right?
Well, then you read it. Let me just highlight the opening paragraph.
"Movies can change a lot during production. Sometimes they start off pretty normal and turn stupid, sometimes they were stupid to begin with and just get stupider, and sometimes a huge dimensional portal opens in your room. No, seriously, a big hole in the fabric of existence just appeared in front of my closet and sucked me through. It doesn't look like anything is different on this side, so I'm just going to do what any good entertainment journalist does and continue my article here at Crackers.com."
That's the bit. The bit he's doing is that he's just describing things that happen in movies, as though he's from another timeline where something else happened.
I... I wish I could describe how truly strange this article is, but seriously, just go read it. It's just weird. Not funny, just strange. Like, literally one of the (tortured) jokes in this thing is "HAH, IN MY UNIVERSE JAKE GYLLENHAAL WAS BRUCE WAYNE IN THE DARK KNIGHT, WOULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN WEIRD IF HIS SISTER WAS PLAYING HIS LOVE INTEREST? WEEEEIRD!" That's a long walk for a short joke.
I don't get it.