Please talk about anything you want.

As a little fun because of the first airing of Dragon Ball Super today, I have written a little DB story. Some of you might just recognise the characters:

This is my story, this is the story of the Gretnablue.

It all started 10 months ago, Goku and the other warriors of earth were defeated by an unknown force and Mr. Satan, our champion had vanished after promising to defeat it single handily. It was hopeless for humanity it seemed.

This is where I come in.

I was just some dumb kid from some no name village about 50 miles out of North City. Nothing much ever happened here and the outside world seemed to let us be. We weren’t affected by the Red Ribbon Army, nor were we affected by Cell. Hell, we weren’t even affected by the attack of Pessimippopotamus and his army of Homework ogres from two years ago.

Huh, look to be perfectly honest… The place was a craphole, a really boring craphole. To the point that I had to make up an imaginary friend who had an odd fixation with fireworks to keep myself sane.

That was until it came. One night, the village was just set ablaze all of a sudden and the people just began dropping dead one by one. It was absolutely horrifying and there seemed to be no way to escape. Not even my arch nemesis Goldenhair and her mighty umataro42 could escape. Then I saw it, the unknown monster… The Grey.

It starred right into my eyes and it chilled me right through my ki. I felt I would have died at any moment, but then I was gone. Darkness surrounded me as I felt the cold feeling of aluminium (pronounced in the British way) on my back.

“You saw it didn’t you?” said a cold, robotic voice.

It’s voiced echo through the darkness and caused a stinging sensation when it hit the metal.

“Do I need to repeat myself?” the robotic voice said again to which I said:

“Yes?”

The lights turned on, showing a massive, endless room. In the centre was a robotic humanoid, it was amazingly ripped and was grinning.

“What are you?” I nervously called to the robot.

“I have no name, but many call me Crashedpc.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I remained silent. But suddenly, Crashedpc charged me and punched me right in the face. I fell to the ground, my nose covered in pouring blood. Crashedpc just looked at me and shook her head.

“If you couldn’t take that, how do you think you’re going to beat the Grey?” Crashedpc proclaimed as she dragged my whimpering body off the ground.

“What? I can’t beat that!”

“Oh believe me, with me as your master, you’re going to make even the kais hide in their mini planets. Ha ha ha!”

For the next 8 months, Crashedpc trained me like hell. I didn’t have much of a choice in the matter as it turned out we were on some massive Observation Deck over 30,000 miles out of earth’s atmosphere and she could eject me at any time. It was hard and tough training, but it was effective. She had apparently been trained by the Supreme Kais themselves, which according to her, their real names are Rob, Charlie, Cheryl, Andrew and James.

As time went on, she brought out her three assistance. Two of them acted as my training partners with one being some kind of Frankenstein’s monster and the other being a ghost in a machine. Third was a doctor called Emilio Lizardo, but strangely, he never actually healed me. Instead he’d just got me drunk on all manner of alcohols and I would find myself waking up naked in a clothes shop in West City called Alexander’s Robes.

It wasn’t always fun and work though, as the dark reminder of the grey destruction was a constant reminder. About 4 months into my training, two of Earth greatest minds, Burke and Nivenus used a new weapon called the Spaced99 at the Grey. But it was no good and both the weapon & the great minds were killed.

Two months later, the greatest gun master of the world Bangi, challenged the Grey. Bangi held up a good fight, getting some good shots into the monster while saying his catchphrase:

“Bangi! Shot You!”

But even he wasn’t enough and he fell to the power of the Grey.

The media wasn’t any better either. The 99Telepodproblems TV network, usually the voice of reason, had become scared for their safety so they gave all their employees skyscraper tall mechs which just caused more terror in the public, as they didn’t know how to drive them properly.

Once my training was completed, Crashedpc sent me directly to the location of the Grey, He was in the town of Balmut, next to the river of Simon and it was in ablaze. The mayor Artiofab was heroically trying to save as many people as he could while a woman was behind him yelling at clods. The Grey was in combat with the mighty warrior Arpad Okay who was riding a massive black panther.

I charged towards the Grey, my heart pumping like mad. The Grey noticed me and focused its attention away from Okay and the Panther, who were able to escape. I jumped of the ground, rage filling every part of my being and screamed:

“2099 Brawler!!!”

I punched the Grey over 2099 times, each one as strong as I could. But it didn’t even phase it. I paused to think and then I shouted:

“Nicolacat Rainbow Blaster!!!”

I fired a huge rainbow ki blast at the beast, but again it did nothing.

“Okay, how about… Quasi Hatrack!!!”

Again, nothing.

“S***, what about… Ah ha! The Alliterator!!!”

Once again, this had no effect and the Grey, now bored of me, teleported right in front of me, broke my legs and threw me into a burning building.

It walked slowly towards me and for a moment, all hope seemed lost. But then, Crashedpc teleported behind the Grey.

“Lightninglouie!”

A massive ball of electricity consumed the Grey as it screeched in pain. It turned its head to see Crashedpc and was about to attack it. But she used the attack Jinxe to freeze the beast where it stood. Crashedpc put her hand on the Grey’s face and then vaporised it, killing the Grey instantly.

Crashedpc looked at me, grinned and then threw an antipode at me, an advanced version of the senzu bean which cured my wounds with great ease. I however was confused about all this.

“Wait, you could do that the whole time?”

“Yep” Crashedpc responded, a smug look on her face.

“Then why didn’t you do that in the first place? Why did you train me? Why did you let all those people die?”

“I don’t know, for fun I guess and plus, I like to see you in pain!”

I couldn’t respond to this as I was too dumbstruck by what I heard.

“Well… Bye bye now!” Crashedpc gleefully said as she teleported away.

Two months have passed since then and I am on a new journey. A few nights ago, a group of people calling themselves Zuldim, Mythbri, Jpedersen and their cat Katja asked me to find the 5th dimensional wizard Mxyzptlk in the lost continent of Neisseria.

The End