Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks

Hey, look, it’s Saturday night’s open thread! How curious. How would John Travolta move in this situation?

By the power of the Groove and Xenu, of course! (Xenu: pictured second from the left. Travolta: pictured center.)


I’ve been house-hunting for rentals for too many weeks now, constantly traveling the hour it takes to get from my 3 month lease apartment to check out houses near my family and the best medical practices in the state.

I found one house today that just might hit the mark, but after getting the lock code and touring it and loving it, I won’t know until Monday morning if I’ll be the one to get it.

Three months of this now. And I may very well have found the place. I’m not going to tempt fate, though, for obvious reasons. Otherwise you have to go outside and turn around three times and spit and maybe throw salt over your shoulder into people’s eyes. Or maybe it’s ears. Or maybe it’s throwing it directly into the eyes of gingers only.

Admittedly, and shamefully, I haven’t kept up with the superstition stuff lately. I don’t really remember what you’re supposed to do if you tempt fate, so I’m trying not to do it, or trying to do it, or not, whichever one is right or not wrong.


Please, please comment below and correct me on how to circumvent this fate-tempting problem. Am I supposed to turn around four times and then throw organic cane sugar thrown into a little person’s eyes? Or do I sprinkle gluten-free flour into leprechaun’s eyes and then turn around just once while singing the second side of Darkside of the Moon a cappella?

I am, however, going to lie the hell down, drink some good sauvignon blanc (or bourbon) when I finally make the hour drive back to the apartment. Here’s hoping I leave this particular waypoint within the next five minutes because every single joint of mine is inflamed to the point where I am running a decent fever.


And I may as well make this the “What Are You Drinking Tonight” thread as well, since I see that the good doctor has not posted one tonight.


Share This Story

Get our newsletter