Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks

So, guys? What are using your acid sperm for?

I learned today that my little swimmers have a hunka hunka burning love on their little tadpole heads. In any environment other than the vagina, spermatozoa are like xenomorph saliva, ready to eat through multiple decks of your starship and somehow infect Harry Dean Santon with AIDS.

Given this amazing property of sperm, I am wondering what we could use it for. Here are some preliminary ideas.


— I could jerk off down the drain to clear nasty clogs.

— I could use it as a defensive weapon. Only a good guy with acid splooge can stop a bad guy with acid splooge.

— I could masturbate in the public pool and if anyone complains I could merely explain I am attempting to maintain proper pH balance.

But my imagination is severely limited. I need more ideas for what to do with my corrosive load.

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