I have so many feels.
I know I said I'd be away until Tuesday but fuck sleep, I just saw nightmare monsters coming from the deep ocean and now I have to talk it out of my system so they don't hunt me in the night.
When it started, I was pretty giddy. LOOK AT THE GIANT KAIJU AND ROBOT! The robot is named Gipsy Danger! What an excellent pairing of nouns.
The script seemed to be hitting every single cliche (I can't fight for you, sir, my brother's death just made me useless! I'm no good for you or for your attractive adopted daughter! Hi there, attractive adoptive daughter, I'm Jax. You may remember me from such shows as Sons of Anarchy) but I could tell it was on purpose so I will allow it.
Robots? Amazing. Also, is it legally mandated that whenever a significant Russian presence is on screen, the soundtrack must immediately play that intense Russian male chorus? You know what I'm talking about. I love it. Triple-armed Chinese Jaeger? Yes. Brash Aussie robot with even brasher pilots? Yes AND yes.
Now, onto the kaiju: they are beautiful. For reals. They are pitch-perfect storybook monsters, with pointy bits and acid saliva and EMP humps and long tongues. Simply gorgeous.
The feels? I was terrified the whole time. Movies like this make me super-nervous and scared the entire time. I blame my imagination and over-abundance of emotions. I put myself into these movies and then freak out because I WAS TOTALLY IN THE BUNKER WITH DR. KAIJU CHARLIE DAY, OKAY. The 3D totally earned its keep for that scene, lemme tell you.
What didn't I like? Sometimes the cliches were a bit too much. I was kind of hoping Jax and Mako would sacrifice themselves, but Papa Stringer Bell and Kid Aussie did the (cliched) honourary thing and made the sacrifice. And while Mako was pretty cool, she was essentially the only woman. Yes, there was Russian lady, but we knew zilch about her. So the movie does fail the Bechdel test pretty spectacularly. I would have liked to see more of a balance, honestly.
But Ron Perlman pretty much stole the show, as only Ron Perlman can.
- I wonder how Vancouver fared through all of this. I know there was an excellent Canadian Jaeger that SuperChupa (?) made, but I hope movie-Canadian-Jaeger was cool
- PR GLaDOS did not say "For science" or "you monster" at all. OPPORTUNITY WASTED, GOOD SIR
- I forgot how attractive Charlie Hunnam is. Especially when he has non-SoA hair
- Everyone other pilot died such horrible, horrible deaths *shudder*
- The Dueling Doctors coming together was really cute. Especially since they made the English one come direct from a 1956 British Serial. He said "By Jove!"!
- "Cancelling the Apocalypse" reads like it would never work. Idris Elba can make everything sound awesome.
- I actually JUMPED when Kaiju-baby ate Ron Perlman. I should have expected that, but I didn't
- I can't decided on my favourite Kaiju: the swordfish-face one from the beginning, or the flying one that chased Charlie Day
- Elbow rocket! And IT HAD A SWORD?! Chest cannons? Using a freighter as a baseball bat? I feel this is a childhood fantasy finally made real by ILM and a shit ton of money
- Whenever the Jaegers walked in the ocean, my mind immediately went to "YOU ARE DESTROYING THE SEA BED AND THE ECOSYSTEM. LOOK AT THE DAMAGE YOUR GIANT ROBOT FEET DID!" But the ocean in this world died really fast, didn't it? It would have to, with all the acid blood and damage and whatnot
- Did they really think a wall would work?
- God bless the Internet: