Looks like the terrorists win again. North Korea has brought Sony Pictures to its knees in a humiliating spectacle and the whole world is impotent to stop them. I don't know about you guys, but I'm sick of always being on the losing team.
That's why I'm switching sides in support of the glorious Democratic People's Republic of Korea! Look, I'm willing to take some really desperate moves if it means Spiderman can return to Marvel's control, that's why I've created this petition to ask Guardians of Peace to force Sony to give Spiderman back. Sony has thus far done everything the hackers have told them to so there's no reason to believe they wouldn't hand over Spidey as they cower under their desks and beg for mercy. Together we can do this!
While you are signing this petition please consider support my other pet causes, like supporting legal lion meat, legalizing masturbation in porn theaters, and replacing the actor that plays Rickon Stark with myself on the show Game of Thrones. God bless you and glory to the DPNK.
(writing the tags for this post was a lot of fun)
(I do not really support North Korea in case that is not clear)