Sony Pictures — the studio that has screwed up Spider-Man twice now — has acquired the rights to “Emojis,” little symbols you can use on your cell phone to send to other people on text messages. This is a clear sign that the End is Near.

Sony Pictures apparently won a “three-studio auction” for the rights to an Emoji movie. This meant that three — not one, not two, but three — movie studios wanted the rights to make an Emoji movie. A movie. About Emojis.

Now, honestly, I have no idea of an Emoji movie would be good or not. Certainly, I was surprised by just how good The LEGO Movie was, but at least LEGO figures look like, shall we say, people. Emojis look like...faces. Crying faces or smiling faces. Sometimes inanimate objects. Sometimes little poops.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:

  • Famine
  • Pestilence
  • War
  • Emoji Movie