Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Illustration for article titled Star Wars Quotes that make cruel break up lines

Inspired by tumblrs innovative re-purposing of Doctor Who quotes as pick up lines, I feel the need to present a counterpoint. Every unhappy relationship is unique, and Star Wars has you covered for a number of scenarios in which a relationship needs to be flushed as quickly and as brutally as possible. Let's be assholes, and commence dumping !


We both know things have been bad for a long time , and it's about time we both admit it:

"Search your feelings"

We can't stop making eachother unhappy in this relationship:

"We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life."

I find your manhood unimpressive:

"Aren't you a little short for a storm trooper?"

Don't make this difficult, you're getting dumped no matter what :

"Into the garbage chute fly-boy"

It wasn't all bad, just most of it:

"You do have your moments. Not many, but you have them."

I can't date outside my own religion:

"I find your lack of faith ... disturbing"

I've been lying to you, but I'm still going to pretend like I did nothing wrong:

"So what I told you was true… from a certain point of view."

I just can't deal with your terminal illness

"You'll be DEAD !"

I just realised that I'm the guy in this relationship


If you really want to see your bridges good and burned, why not use a line from George Lucas's beloved prequels ?

I want to send you mixed messages that will fuck with you for years to come

"I wish that I could just, wish away my feelings!"

No seriously, I'm still a 16 year old circa 2001, and I've just discovered a band called the Alkaline Trio and THEY REALLY GET ME.


"I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me."

I crave needless drama !

"If you're not with me... then you're my enemy! "

I crave needless drama, and can't handle a long distance relationship

"You're breaking my heart! You're going down a path I can't follow !"

I'm going to make you dump me out of SHEER EMBARRASSMENT by running out of the restroom, trailing toilet paper in front of the entire restaurant and your parents,whilst screaming this at the top of my lungs


"I can't take Dooku alone! I NEED YOU!"

With these handy quotes, not only will your SO be glad to be rid of you, they may even put in the restraining order themselves. You're welcome internet !

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