Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Illustration for article titled Teen woo hoo!

Was that earth shattering howl a harbinger of doom, or sound and fury signifying nothing? Vague-assed spoilers follow...


I get that the show became a fandom darling during the offseason, and the fen chatted with the showrunner and teases were made, etc...so how far do they go?

Well, the episode opens up with some truly awful CGI (they were at the gym in spin class the whole scene, right)? All the cool wolves are on two wheels instead of four, and some people are too special for their shoes.


Clearly, when it comes to process and procedure, that's not why you're here. You're here because it's a funny charismatic show that pulled off some great quiet moments and fun scary ones, and you're here for Stiles, the treat that spans sexuality.

Stiles is in decent form, Scott's running through what seem to be werewolf tropes, and they even stop mocking meta enough to let him wear his tattoos as the character but mock it first, thereby saving all the paint to cover over Hoechlin's five o'clock Old Dutch.


The woo and the hoo and the heavy handed symbolism was mostly heavy—anvilicious, even, but the new trick the twin (not that hot, sadly) alphas can do is apparently slow but nifty, and exposes a weakness that anyone who robs SWAT teams can exploit. To make them all different (apart from the two that are the same) we have twins, shoeless closer-to-the-earth babe, ugly guy, and the blind English guy. Blind and English! He must have another trick up his sleeve too, but if they waste more money on that effect where we see his fluttering sightless eyes with the faces of the character he's talking to superimposed—uh, just save it for Hoechlin wax.

Terrible things are in the offing, and expect literary quotes (but not allusions—I think we're not subtle enough for those yet), and scenarios where I'd really go transient or impermanent over ephemeral. There's a lightness to ephemeral you haven't earned yet, Scottie.

  • Surprise deaths: 0
  • Plot-unrelated half nudity: 2.5 (Lydia's squeeze could have been either more or less modest, I assume)
  • Portents: 3 of vastly differing sizes
  • Unexpected werewolf abilities : 2 (Paint stripping! I didn't see that coming. Xray vision is worrisome, though)
  • Dumping cast members offscreen: 1 so far, but we're missing our normal black chick. Whither Kendra?
  • Troublesome teachers: 2
  • Troublesome law officers: ZERO! WE LOVE YOU SHERIFF STILINSKI!
  • Troublesome medical professionals: I don't know—did you really die in that promo, Mrs McCall?
  • May December romances I'm voting for: 1 I LOVE YOU STILES STILINSKI, SO NICE THEY NAMED YOU TWICE!

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