Hi! Do you read comics? Do you enjoy a particular comic? Do you have a favorite comic? Nextwave, Agents of H.A.T.E. is your favorite comic. Nextwave, Agents of H.A.T.E. will replace all comics. Nextwave is everything. Pray to your silly gods and weep, for Nextwave is the best comic there ever was and ever will be.
In 2006-2007, Warren Ellis and Stuart Immonen created a twelve-issue comic book called Nextwave, although it quickly changed it's name (due to copyright reasons) to Nextwave, Agents of H.A.T.E. It was about a group of superheroes fighting against the Highest Anti-Terrorism Effort (H.A.T.E.) (and yes, the comic still calls them "agents" of H.A.T.E. even if they are fighting against them somehow) and their funders, the Beyond Corporation, and all of the Unusual Weapons of Mass Destruction they unleash.
It involves explosions, kicking, a green lizard with purple underpants, broccoli men, ninjas, a kaiju cop, more explosions, and the penultimate issue includes a huge number of two-page splash pages in order to try and force the reader to buy six copies of the comic.
It is the best comic there ever was or ever will be.
You must read it.
And now, let's introduce our cast! The eponymous Nextwave, Agents of H.A.T.E.!
First up, there's Monica Rambeau, the former Captain Marvel (and current Spectrum). She can turn her body into any form of energy, except for those they make up in Star Trek. She likes to remind people that she used to lead the Avengers. Everyone else is sick of her reminding them how she used to lead the Avengers.
Monica Rambeau is a veteran super hero previously known as Captain Marvel, whose mother always wanted her to get a proper job. So she joined H.A.T.E. When her mother died, she went to Hell, and is used as a bucket by giant weasels dressed as cheerleaders. And that's what happens when you tell your kids to get a proper job.
Then there's Tabitha Smith, formerly Boom-Boom and Boomer and Meltdown and probably some other names I can't remember. She has the power of "blowing stuff up and stealing your stuff" (real quote). She is awesome.
There's Elsa Bloodstone, a monster hunter who packs lots of guns, is very British, and can kill you with her pinky finger. Also is keen to inform you that swords trump guns, in which case she will use a shovel to kill you. She is awesome.
There's The Captain. He got his powers when he was incredibly drunk. Also, he went through over a dozen names, each of which were taken, before just settling on "the Captain." He is awesome.
And then there's Aaron Stack, formerly known as X-51 the Machine Man. He is a robot full of very useful devices. He was once abducted by the Celestials, but they called him a **** and gave him the Loser sign and when he got back to Earth, he was a changed robot. He drank beer. He is awesome.
"It's not all right. It will never be all right again. Nothing will ever be the same again. No good can come of a robot in a bra."
NEXTWAVE gets their loving from your mama.
But what superhero team would be complete without a villain to fight against? So let us introduce: Dirk Anger. He's one crazy mama jama.
Dirk Anger is the head commander of H.A.T.E. and captains the Aeromarine (which, yes, is a bunch of submarines stuck together and made into a flying machine).
He's ninety years old and takes special H.A.T.E. drugs to extend his life. And every day he smokes two hundred cigarettes and one hundred cigars and drinks a bottle of whisky and three bottles of wine with dinner. And dinner is meat. Raw meat:
"The cook serves me an entire animal and I fight it bare-handed and tear off what I want and eat it and have the rest buried. In New Jersey! For H.A.T.E.!"
Dirk Anger is crazy. Dirk Anger is in charge of H.A.T.E. which is controlled by the Beyond Corporation who used to be the terrorist cell S.I.L.E.N.T.
Nextwave is everything you want in a comic and more: explosions and pretty people kicking things and punching people and more explosions and giant lizards in purple pants (and them trying stuff people down those purple pants) and Elvis M.O.D.O.K.s and a dinosaur in a smoking jacket and even more explosions.
You must remember: everyone else in the Marvel Universe are merely anal Skrulls. Nextwave is the only true canon.
Go and read Nextwave, Agents of H.A.T.E. You won't regret it.