Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Illustration for article titled iThe Conspiracist/i: The Bielefeld Conspiracy

Welcome to The Conspiracist, which is all about conspiracy theories and those who refuse to believe in them. The truth, ladies, gentlemen, and sneeple, isn’t out there, it’s in here. And also out there, too. Okay, it’s gotten pretty much everywhere. Does anyone know how to get truth stains out of carpet?


For our first conspiracy, we go to one of the best and most pervasive conspiracies ever:

The Bielefeld Conspiracy!

What is Bielefeld? Wikipedia states that Bielefeld is a “city in the Ostwestfalen-Lippe Region in the north-east of North-Rhine Westphalia, Germany” and has a “a population of 327,000.” BUT THEY ARE WRONG. Because Bielefeld DOESN’T EXIST.


The truth came out on May 16, 1994, on a Usenet forum. Here, translated into English for your convenience, is the full story:

I can no longer keep it to myself, I have finally go using my life to the public, the Mankind must be informed of the Bielefeld conspiracy!

It began innocently enough, as we, a small group of intrepid, noticed that, although from time to time by a town called Bielefeld Speech be, but none of us knew someone who had been there before, let alone even have been to Bielefeld. That brought to us the idea that it does not exist Bielefeld.

From then on, our senses were sharpened course, and we discovered gradually the extent of the conspiracy: cars with fake ‘BI’ plate, a mysterious football team that pretended from Bielefeld to come, short, they have spared no expense or effort to believe us to make sure there really is Bielefeld.


The evidence is right in front of our eyes!

Just think about it:

Do you know anybody from Bielefeld?

Have you ever been to Bielefeld?

Do you know anybody who has ever been to Bielefeld?

The answer to all three is, of course, NO. And if you did say “yes” to any of them, of course, you are A PART OF THE CONSPIRACY.


In fact, even Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany, doubts the existence of Bielefeld!

So wake up, sheeple! Wake up and smell the conspiracy!

It smells like sauerkraut.

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