The Three Dictionaires

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish...............................49.

Adventurous.......................Slept with everyone.

Athletic...............................No breasts.

Average looking....................Moooo.

Beautiful..............................Pathological liar.

Emotionally Secure................On medication.

Feminist................................Fat.

Free spirit............................Junkie.

Friendship first......................Former slut.

New-Age............................Body hair in the wrong places.

Old-fashioned.......................No BJs.

Open-minded.......................Desperate.

Outgoing.............................Loud and Embarrassing.

Professional..........................Bitch.

Voluptuous..........................Very Fat.

Large frame...........................Hugely Fat.

Wants Soul mate..................Stalker.

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit. = I'm gay.