Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Illustration for article titled The Thanksgiving turkey of my dreams...

I've basted. I've tried the oven bag. I've deep fried them, brined them, and crusted them with salt. I've cooked them in conventional ovens, convection ovens, smokers and even once on the barbecue grill (wood fire, of course).

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But there's one way of preparing a turkey I still haven't tried.

I want to cook a turkey with molten lava.

I've had this dream for many years. Tragically, I'm nowhere near lava, so this is but a dream deferred, but ONE DAY, one day so help me I will forge my Thanksgiving bird in the fires of the Earth itself.

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And I will give extra thanks on that day.

And it will be good.

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