Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks

... and they’re going to let the Mongolians Aliens pay for it. Very illegal Aliens. But not from Mexico. They’re from space! But the white dude is going to make China great again! Somehow all movies about great walls are more political than you thought... Spoilers for The Great Wall. (Do you really care? It’s a movie about Matt Damon fighting Aliens at the Great Wall....)

Matt “Hawkeye” Damon

OK, in case this comes as a surprise, historical accuracy is not - really on the forefront of this film, so - could they have cast a Chinese for the part ans still tell the story? Sure. Did they whitewash an existing character? Of course not. Casting Matt Damon and Oberyn Martell (I had no idea Pedro Pascal was in this) doesn’t seem more damnable than casting Chinese actors in American movies to appeal to the growing Chinese market. Also - not all white guys are the heroes,,. there’s also Willem Dafoe in it, who - is not.


And then there’s the Commander of the super secret Alien fighting Order of the Wall. Who’s a woman. Good for her. I don’t think that happened a lot in that time period...

Combat Bungee Jumping, though - totally legit!


So is it any good? It’s perfectly fine. It’s Cowboys vs. Aliens, wirt less Cowobys and more bungee jumpers. The Aliens are cool, but mostly pretty generic, Matt Damon’s archery skills out Legolas to shame, for some reason we never find out. (I’m sure it has something to do with his super-tragic backstory of killing - someone that burdens him so much that we hear two whole sentences about it. from Oberyn Martell.)

The Wall and all of its built in gadgets are pretty nifty - like the color coded army and their pretty costumes. That whole flick is very nice to look at.


The actors are not exactly phoning it in, but considering we have a Dafoe villain and an Pedro Pascal semi-villain, all the humans seem to come from the same computer program for stock characters as the aliens do. Adequate.

What I liked most was what the film lacked - the female General, played by Tian Jing (look out for her in the next Pacific Rim) was not only highly capable, she also was in no way inclined towards a romantic relationship with one of our leads. Who are after all Matt Damon and Pedro Pascal. The film has no love story, which would have been a very easy way to fill some time.

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