Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Illustration for article titled Three audition pieces for the 12th Doctor

In the most recent issue of DWM, Steven Moffat revealed three short scenes he came up with for the 12th Doctor audition process. These scenes aren't from any particular episode, and weren't written with any specific 12th Doctor character traits in mind (in fact, they sound distinctly 11ish), but considering that most of the audition pieces for the 11th Doctor, Amy, and Clara eventually made it into televised episodes, I wouldn't entirely rule out the possibility of these scenes popping up again at some point during series 8 or 9.


Extract 1. INT. TARDIS
The new Doctor is checking out the new body. Clara, watching. It’s been a few minutes, they’re both still adjusting.

THE DOCTOR: Right then, eyesight. Not bad, bit blue. Ears – not pointy, right way up, more or less level. Face – well I’ve got one. Oh, no -French!
CLARA: French.
THE DOCTOR: I’ve deleted French! Plus all cookery skills, and the breast stroke. And hopping. Never mind hopping, who needs to hop. Ohh, the kidneys are interesting. Never had that before – interesting kidneys.
CLARA: Are you all right?
THE DOCTOR: I don’t know, do I look all right?
CLARA: I don’t know.
THE DOCTOR: How’s the face? Seems all right from the inside. Nice action, responsive. Bit less heft on the chin. How is it?
CLARA: It’s… okay.
CLARA: It’s a bit… you know.
THE DOCTOR: No I don’t, I haven’t seen it yet.
CLARA: Maybe it’s just new.
THE DOCTOR: Have you changed height?

The Doctor is facing down the Cyberleader, who stares balefully down from the screen. The bridge around the Doctor is burning, ruined.

THE DOCTOR: Ah, Cyberleader, hello!
CYBERLEADER: Do you have a response, Doctor.
THE DOCTOR: Yes, I do. Definitely got a response. And here it is. Yes, your ears look big in that! Sorry, did I misunderstand the question?
CYBERLEADER: You will return the stolen cargo.
THE DOCTOR: Yeah, well, two points. One, I didn’t steal it. No, actually, I did steal it, I was just hoping if I said that I’d think of a really good excuse before the end of the sentence. Didn’t happen, never mind. Point two – well, point one, second attempt – that isn’t cargo. Those are human beings.
CYBERLEADER: They are primed for conversion.
THE DOCTOR: I’ve unprimed them.
CYBERLEADER: You will return the cargo.
THE DOCTOR: No, I won’t.
CYBERLEADER: Then the cargo will be taken.
THE DOCTOR: Not going to happen, and do you know what’s going to stop you?
CYBERLEADER: We will not be stopped. The Doctor raises a finger.
THE DOCTOR: Tell it to the finger. See this finger? See what I’m doing with this finger right now. The Doctor moves to the screen. Starts drawing a line across.
THE DOCTOR: I’m drawing a line between this ship and you. Between all these people and all your metal men. And this line, it’s a magic line
CYBERLEADER: Magic is not logical
THE DOCTOR: I know – isn’t it great? Because I’ll tell you what. All these people on this ship are now, officially, under the protection of the magic line. Now, I’ll be honest, these guys in here are a bit annoying. They keep having their own opinions, and sometimes they take turns talking instead of me, which is just boring for everyone. But facts are facts, they’re behind the magic line, and that’s the way it is now. And to be clear, so we all understand the deal here, if any of your handle-heads happens to cross the magic line, even by accident, do you know what will happen to you then?
CYBERLEADER: What will happen?

Extract 3. INT. BEDROOM
The Doctor and a little boy. They’re sitting in the little boy’s bedroom.

Does everyone tell you it’s going to be all right?
THE DOCTOR: Do you believe them?
THE DOCTOR: Good man. Tell me what happens when the lights go out.
THE DOCTOR: Because you’re scared? (Silence) Because you think I won’t believe you. Because you think I’ll tell you everything’s fine, when you know it isn’t, and leave you alone like all the other grown-ups?
THE DOCTOR: Look at me. Am I grown up?
THE DOCTOR: Good! You’re the very first person I’ve fooled. Look, what if I promise I won’t tell you it’s okay. What if I just listen, and then try my best to help, and never tell you that I know better. How about that?
LITTLE BOY: …okay.
THE DOCTOR: Okay. So. You turn the lights out -then what?
LITTLE BOY: The room… changes. In the dark.
THE DOCTOR: You mean the room is different when you can’t see it.
THE DOCTOR: Every time?
THE DOCTOR: Different how?
LITTLE BOY: It’s wet. When 1 touch the walls, they’re all wet.
THE DOCTOR: Like damp. Like water running
down them?
LITTLE BOY: No. Wet like a mouth.

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