"'Tis The Shopping Season"

Originally, this was a comment I made in response to a Jezebel article about the encroachment of the Christmas shopping season on other holidays. I've tweaked it a little bit, but the cautionary poem is pretty much the same.

When Christmas took Chanukkah, I did nothing, for I was not Jewish.

When Christmas took Thanksgiving, I did nothing, for I was not a Gobblertarian.

When Christmas took Halloween, I did nothing, for I was not a Pumpkinite.

When Christmas took Labor Day, I did nothing, for I was not a Laboriscopal.

When Christmas took Independence Day, I did nothing, for I was not Bill Pullman.

When Christmas took Flag Day, I did nothing, for I was not a flag or banner.

When Christmas took Memorial Day, I did nothing, for I was not a memorial.

When Christmas took Easter, I did nothing, for I was not Jesus, a zombie, or any combination of the two.

When Christmas took St. Patricks's Day, I did nothing, for I was far too inebriated.

When Christmas took Valentine's Day, I did nothing, for I was no one's valentine.

When Christmas took New Year's Day, I did nothing, for they were always connected anyway.

Then Christmas came for my birthday, and I could do nothing...for there were no days left.