Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Illustration for article titled TV Poetry

Earlier this year, when I was bored, I had a melody in my head and started writing poetry to that tune about some TV shows. I thought I’d share those poems with you now.


A couple of the shows may be obscure to you. Oh well, it’s a good excuse for you to do some Googling.

The tune is the Cruella DeVille song from 101 Dalmatians.

Frasier Crane, Frasier Crane
His nervous disposition frays your brain
His fastidious interference will drive you insane
Oh that Frasier Crane

Agents of SHIELD, Agents of SHIELD
Saving the world with super powers they wield
And all the Inhumans they have out in the field
Marvellous Agents of SHIELD

New Girl Jess, New Girl Jess
She’s a manic pixie dream girl I have to confess
With Nick and Schmidt and Winston her life is a mess
Oh that wacky Jess

The Walking Dead, the Walking Dead
If they lurch toward you, just shoot them in the head
Whatever Rick suggests, do the opposite instead
To avoid the walking dead

Game of Thrones, Game of Thrones
Winter must be coming, I can feel it in my bones
The Dragon Lady’s here, she’s gonna kick you in the stones
Playing the Game of Thrones

Jessica Jones, Jessica Jones
Super strength can’t stop what the Purple Man intones
The only way to stop him is to go in alone
You can do it, Jessica Jones

Stranger Things, Stranger Things
Don’t underestimate what kids are uncovering
Eleven and the demogorgon, both frightening
They’re stranger things

Halt and Catch Fire, Halt and Catch Fire
See the rise and fall of a PC empire
Who knew it involved such sexual desire
It’s Halt and Catch Fire

Only Connect, Only Connect
What links the four clues, just get the answer correct
With your head held high try to gain some self respect
On Only Connect

Call The Midwife, Call The Midwife
See the nuns and nurses usher in a new life
And soapy operatics causing all sorts of strife
Being a Midwife

The lawyers on Suits, the lawyers on Suits
Negotiating deals will bring in plenty of loot
Mike’s history could bring the firm into disrepute
But they’re clever lawyers in Suits

Barry the Flash, Barry the Flash
He races round the city locking up all the trash
Travelling through time has caused his home life to crash
That foolish kid called the Flash

Kara Zor-El, Kara Zor-El
Supergirl can save us from an alien hell
Her sister and her friends will always help her as well
She’s flying, that Kara Zor-El

The Mythbusters show, the Mythbusters show
Establishing the facts to myths that you think you know
If Adam, Jamie, Tory, Grant, and Kari say so
You can trust the Mythbusters show

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