Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks

Warehouse? But it's not my size!

I know everyone is getting wet and happy over the second Captain America movie - Captain America and Winter Soldier's Chronicles of Narnina Breakin' II The Return of The Jedi part XXII, but next Monday is the beginning of the end for Warehouse 13.

I'll miss the show, but I'm glad they are going out while it's still kinda fresh. My only hope is that they go balls-out bonkers and flood the last six episodes with as much nonsense as they can!


Having said all that, I am pretty much an artifact nerd. I find the history, whether made up or otherwise, is really my favorite part of the show.

My favorite artifacts are the ones that really capture the essence of the creator and make sense within the context of the user. Sylvia Plath's typewriter is a perfect example of this. Just standing in the presence of it sucks the life out of a person. That probably held true for Plath herself.

The Triangle Shirtwaist Factory doorknob is another good example of this. As the workers in the factory struggled to get out of a locked door, their pain and anguish in the fire was imbued in the locked knob and whomever touches it feels the pain of their burning and if not released, eventually burns the holder alive. It's not a happy artifact, but still, they got the idea correct.

Because I have no life, I have been keeping a list of made-up artifacts that I thought would have been interesting story lines and/or tidbits to include in the show. Since the show is over, it doesn't seem to matter any more. :(


Dorothy Hale's corsage pin –The final 24 hours of Hale's life plays out through the woman who touches the pin, causing her to ultimately kill herself by jumping off of a balcony. Side effect: Even after the pin is neutralized, the victim can feel a lasting impression of depression and regret. Side note: Only affects women.

Isadora Duncan's scarf – When snapped, the scarf releases a violently sharp wave of energy that can slice through virtually any object; however, when the scarf is aimed at a human, the wave seeks out the person's neck.


Bobby Moore and Pele's soccer jerseys (From the 1970 World Cup in Mexico) (Bifurcated artifact) - When worn by opponents, a calming sensation of understanding and mutual respect overwhelm whoever has them on. Side note: when only one jersey is worn by someone, the effect is an elevated skill in playing soccer.

Father Louis Padilla's rosary – As Father Padilla tended to wounded soldiers during a bloody Venezuelan revolt in 1962, his righteous determination to help those in need imbued the rosary he carried with the ability to render whoever carries it, bulletproof.


William Castle's cigar case – Allows anyone who opens to see though and determine the source of illusions and visual effects. Obtained during the world premiere of Castle's The Tingler. Side effect: For the next 82 minutes (the length of the movie) whoever uses it will have a craving to smoke a cigar.

The Whitwell middle school paperclip – An ordinary paperclip imbued with the enlightenment of children understanding the ramifications of genocide. When touched by someone, a flood of visual and audible imagery from World War II overwhelm his or her senses and the person feels the emotional weight of what happened to the innocent victims of the Holocaust; however, once the stimuli has been processed, the person is left with a boundless sense of hope.


John Scopes' blackboard – When written on with chalk, the victim starts bombastically debating facts over beliefs. When written on by a second person, the opposite effect occurs (beliefs over facts) and the two parties engage in endless arguments. If not neutralized, the effect multiplies and the involved parties begin to show signs of rage and will often start physically fighting. Distinguishing markings: Inventory sticker stamped: PROPERTY OF: Rhea County High School.

The Stonewall Riot high heel – A hot pink, platform shoe, that when thrown into a crowd by a member of the LGBT community, will cause a violent riot to breakout. The fewer the people, the less the effect; however, if thrown into a large crowd, the potential for all-out war is great.


Lyman Keele's clipboard (from Southern Airways flight 242) – When the clip is released, it causes violent and destructive weather to form around an airplane in flight. If not neutralized before landing, the airplane will crash.

Louis Slotin's screwdriver – Anyone who holds it can absorb, at will, any amount of radiation from objects or people; however, the person holding it will suffer from severe radiation poisoning when they release the screwdriver, even after the artifact has been neutralized. The radiation cannot be excised and he or she will die of radiation poisoning within 9 days.


Marcel Marceau's striped shirt – Allows anyone who wears it to manipulate their surroundings with invisible walls and objects. Side effects: Renders the person mute until the artifact has been neutralized.

I have a bunch more, but this post is already TL;DR.

Please feel free to add your own artifacts to the list!

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