Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks
Miscalibrated Internet Receptor Stalks

What Happens When You Run A Secret Supervillain Prison?

Illustration for article titled What Happens When You Run A Secret Supervillain Prison?

One of the biggest instances of Fridge Logic on The Flash is the secret prison they have to hold metahumans inside the particle accelerator pipeline. It's one thing to say a normal prison can't hold them — which is true, considering one's a teleporter and one can turn into mist — but it's another to run an entire prison. Who feeds them? We don't see any bathrooms in their cells, so how do they poop? Is it like solitary confinement? Isn't that cruel and unusual?


Well, luckily, The Flash has the answers for these questions (well, except for the poop one) in the In-Character Tumblr The Chronicles of Cisco. Behold Cisco figuring out how to defeat Prism by wearing mirrored shades! Behold Cisco being stupid and almost getting killed by the Mist! Behold Cisco being smart and wondering how this could ever be a permanent solution!


And even more awesome: behold movie night!

The screens were up, the metas all in their respective cells, it was almost perfect until Mr. Handsome Weather Wizard started boohooing my movie choice. Who doesn't dig The Goonies? Chunk, Data, Mama Fratelli, Sloth!!! Murderous meta-humans. WW riled em up, screaming for a vote. I think he's just bummed Barry caught him in what, like, three minutes? Not impressed.

But I still asked what Shawna would vote for. "Not the Goonies," she said. My heart is broken. She went on that the movie doesn't stand the test of time. I almostsnagged back her popcorn. I'm out of love and… I'm back in. Yeah, I'm easy. All she had to do was offer me a seat and a bite of her popcorn concoction. Honestly, it wasn't that bad.

I paused the movie with a plan. I didn't want the movie night to be another disaster and the Weather Wizard wouldn't shut his pie hole so I'd let them think they were choosing the film. All I had to do was stack the odds in The Goonies favor. They could choose between Goonies, Mean Girls, the Godfather part III, and Pearl Harbor. Easy, right? Nope. They chose Mean Girls. Literally, every single one of them. Prism drew an explanation point as well as a very detailed rendering of me holding a piece of the tiara from the ending. I left him for like two seconds, tops! Oh, and I'm definitely hanging this in my living room. I look powerful.

I popped the movie in, prepared for more mayhem and hijinks from the metas, but instead a magical thing happened – everyone was silent, engaged, and dare I say happy. The best part was after Mean Girls, when I did my usual rounds, no one tried to murder me. Now I just gotta figure out the next movie choice. Was Tina Fey the key to their viewing pleasure or was it Lindsay Lohan? Should I try to stream that Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt show or whack them with a double dose of Lohan in the Parent Trap? Either way, Cinema Cisco will return.


I love this blog. I hope it's all canon and later on, when the prisoners inevitably escape, they spare Cisco. Because of Mean Girls.

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